Monthly Archives: September 2013

Clomid D4R2

I had a few hot flashes, but mainly it was my sleep that was affected. I went to be at 9:00(I know quite early, but it seemed like a good idea.) Then I woke up at 1:30. I was bleeding like crazy, cramping, and having a headache. So last night was ROUGH. I ended up taking two Benadryl (that expired a month ago, but I figured their sleeping component probably doesn’t expire, just the allergy med?) From 1:30 to 5:30 I listened all of Harry Potter and the Philosophers Stone on audio book. And went to the bathroom about a million times. Then I woke up this morning at 11am. Joseph had texted me, which I slept through. He then called at 10:30 to make sure I was still alive, and didn’t bleed out. He informed me when he got home, that if I didn’t answer he was going to leave work and come check on me. I answered and spoke enough to calm his fears.

Today I sewed, what Joseph kindly described as a monk dress. It was supposed to be an adorable shift dress. But Joseph is correct, it looks like something a monk would be. While sewing, I experienced several hotnesses. Not hot flashes, just generally being hotter all day.

I also made Chili Dog Pie for dinner, and I made myself tacos(with homemade tortillas) for lunch. And attempted to make up a MASS batch of taco seasoning. Which called for 10 teaspoons of cumin, and a quarter teaspoon of cayenne pepper. Don’t worry, I totally switched those measurements, and put in 10 teaspoons of cayenne pepper…So we probably won’t be using that, unless I decide to mix this batch with another batch (x38) minus cayenne pepper. But I don’t have a container large enough to house all of this, so I will probably just toss it.

Tomorrow I have a fun morning planned with my friend A and her twins. We are going to target, get coffee, and trader joes. I am super excited about it.

Clomid D(ay)2R(ound)2

No symptoms yesterday. Like at all?! My period did pick up a bit, from the lightness I was having, IDK if that is a clomid thing or just a weird post miscarriage thing. Either way we are moving along. I’m weirdly positive this round of clomid because I know that it can work for us. I do want to call my ob and see if they’ll do a 7dpo progesterone draw, and if it is low, get on some prometrium. I will actually ask for that either way, but if my progesterone doesn’t come back low, I don’t think they’ll give it to me until I have a positive pregnancy test.

Clomid, D1R2.

I guess it is clomid day 1. You can see in my earlier post here I decided to start taking clomid again. I took my first pill at 4 pm 9/26. I don’t know why four, that isn’t exactly what people tell you (most say right before bed, so you’ll sleep through the symptoms.) But I think I was so excited I couldn’t wait.

It is hard for me to understand clomid. I asked my doctor and she wasn’t really able to explain it to me. These “symptoms” you hear of, are the WHILE you’re on the pill? Or are they throughout your cycle?

Possible Symptoms/OverReadingThings:

1. I took the pill at 4, happy as can be. By the time Joseph got home (4:30) I needed to be held. Sometimes when Joseph gets home he is good for holding/dealing with me immediately. Other times he some time to shift gears. Naturally, yesterday was one of those other times. Which then upset me. So shortly after taking the pill, I was already having some mood swing issues(The more I type this, the more I realize this was probably not a clomid thing, just a Victoria-Sensitive thing.)

2. Last night when Joseph turned off the lights, I felt like certain objects were glowing. Like I could see them even in the dark. Just like an outline. I kept looking for the light source but there wasn’t one. So I’ll give that one to Clomid.

3. Cramps, I have been having mild cramps all night. Nothing hard, I just feel like clomid is making my ovaries work.

I suppose I will take my 2nd pill this evening around four. I need to start taking my temperature again. I still have a cold hanging on so I kind of wanted to wait until that was over. ALSO, I’m now use to getting up in the middle of the night to pee(not bc I necessarily have to, but bc when I wake up, I feel like there isn’t anything better to do) I’m going to have to train myself out of that.

Moving on.

So yesterday was cd5. I was told, by the dr, to take clomid cd5-9. I had thought about (on my own) taking it earlier this cycle, cd2-6 or 3-7, but because on CD 2 and 3 I wasn’t sure if this was my period or just some random spotting, I missed those opportunities. So yesterday I kept thinking that if I’m going to take it, today is my last chance.

I didn’t want to take it if my HCG wasn’t gone, so I stopped at walgreens for a FRER(all there other test were blue dye and I’ve never used a blue dye(since that random Christmas Joseph and I thought we may be pregnant) and FRER at walgreens, even for only two, cost $16!!!! Holy cow! at walmart I get the three pack for like 13 or so. But I bought a FRER came home and took it was….NEGATIVE! So, I’m on clomid. for the second round. I think we are going to do the exact same thing we did in July, and just see how things go. I have an RE appt Oct 22 which should be the day before my period is due. So I will test 2-3 days before so I can cancel that appt (ugh! again!) if I am indeed pregnant. Or…I could just keep the appt and not test until my period is late. I mean even if I do get pregnant, it shouldn’t take seventeen months to get pregnant, and maybe if I went to them once, they would be more willing to see if next time I’m TTC. Opinions?

Self preservation

Is my new thing. Don’t come to me with an accidental pregnancy and expect anything but self preservation from me. Don’t tell me you don’t know how to feel about your pregnancy bc the timing wasn’t what you had planned. Don’t act like I am young and have all the time in the world, bc apparently it takes me a year a half to conceive, tack on another 9 months of gestation, and we are up to 27 months. That timing can make the next ten years of my fertility fly.

I have some people in my life, who are also on Victoria preservation. Trying to keep my emotional stimulus down to a minimal. Suggestions that don’t work:

1. Don’t hang out with people who have children or are pregnant, or who talk about pregnancy/babies.
Why this doesn’t work: let’s start with family, On Joseph’s side, we are getting ready to welcome a new nephew in the next few weeks. So that would mean I’m skipping every holiday or get together. My side, R & B are expecting a daughter early January, so I’m skipping every holiday or get together with my family as well. Local friends, Yep, that’s a big goose egg or friends I have who don’t have babies, or arent pregnant locally. If we can branch out say 1100 miles, that ups my non pregnant / no babies friends to 2 (but I’m praying that number goes down to one so quickly!!) so as you can see, avoidance of all triggers is not an option.

2. Come up with a hobby.
Why this doesn’t work: I have a hobby, it’s sewing/embroidering. I’m pretty good at. This hobby is starting to make me money, but guess what markets I make money in. Babies and sororities.

There are several other suggestions that I’m not going to post about because they are similar to “relax, it’ll happen.”

What does work: Clinging to Gods promise of one day perfect life with Him and seeing our sweet baby we lost. Staying faithful to Gods plan for our family. Taking refuge in my marriage, truly, Joseph is my protector.

It’s a rough one for me folks…

On facebook, random chick who I unfollowed, yet still can’t resist occasionally stalking

Status

“When I found out I was pregnant with XXXXX I was devestated.”

Yes, that is completely taken out of context, because the rest of the status goes on and gives the glory to God and how he changed her heart to love this unplanned baby and how she knows that the baby was already planned for her family. But that is what I read first. That is what made me gag and question and want to cry.

And with that, my facebook account is deactivated.

Jealousy.

Warning: this post is very candid, it is not meant to come off bitchy or snarky or petty, it is just how I feel.

I greatly appreciate people telling me, before they make up their full production, in person that they are with child. I know that sometimes I might not handle it how they want me to handle it, but I am trying. Deep in my heart I am excited and thankful for their baby and pray fervently that they have a wonderful healthy complication free pregnancy.

But I’m jealous. Not of their baby. Or their due date. Or their family. Or really their life. I am jealous of their fertility. The ability to “not really try” and get pregnant. Meanwhile I have been busting my butt for the last 16 months, only to be rewarded with a baby, then to lose it.

I have spoken to a few friends who I have specifically asked to being praying hard for me right now. Its hard to hear a friend say “I’m pregnant, and due April XXth.” Well, my baby was due two after yours, or one before yours. Now I don’t have that baby. And with all my heart I want that baby. I can’t have him, I know he is waiting for me, being rocked by some sweet angel in heaven. So, if I can’t have him, can I get a little fertility thrown my direction?

I am jealous of the fertiles.

Postive

Positive pregnancy tests are something I love seeing. Unless you are 4 weeks 6 days post miscarriage and waiting on your first period. Then you want to see a stark white, no liner, so you know your HCG is normal. HCG is what tells your period to stay away. I have been spotting since Friday. Like not enough to need to wear anything. I have been cramping since Wednesday. My doctor told me to test again in two week(1 week and 6 days ago) and if it was positive to call in. Well I tested this morning, just curious. 4w6dpostmcedited

I know you probably can’t see them, and that is because it is ALMOST not there. Its enough that is this was a normal cycle, and we tried, I would consider myself pregnant. But this isn’t a normal cycle. My HCG is still fading from the miscarriage. Do I call in? Or wait a few more days to test again?

Weekend Post Mortem

Friday night- Joseph and I played some Minecraft, and went to bed at 9:30. And slept the best we had in days.

Saturday- Joseph and I played some more Minecraft, then had a lovely afternoon out walking through bestbuy and the mall. We then came home and watched a Dr. Who, then went to walmart (because I was out of kleenex) and McDonald to get him some food.

Sunday- Joseph and I had  a blast. We woke up early, and Joseph was able to get some programming in before we had to get ready for church. We decided we would leave a bit early and go to starbucks before hand. Which was delicious. Joseph loves their Earl Grey tea lattes (with sf vanilla and heavy cream, steamed to 140 degrees) I had a blonde coffee with a pumpkin cream cheese muffin. We went to church, worshipped our Great God, listened to a fabulous sermon, then out to lunch. At CHUYS! which is one of my (new) favorite restaurants. I only ate half of my meal so guess what I get to eat for lunch tomorrow! (YUM.) We then came home and changed.

After changing into appropriate garb, we went to Beckley Station Park. (Map of Beckley Station) This is possibly one of the coolest parks and it is minutes from our home. At the park we walked some trails and played some frisbee.

We followed up frisbee at the park (one of Joseph’s favorite pastimes) with grocery shopping (my favorite past times.) We ended our excursion with a water from Sonic(which has the best water, incase you were wondering.)

WP_000681So, overall I had a spectacular weekend. How was yours?