Warning: this post is very candid, it is not meant to come off bitchy or snarky or petty, it is just how I feel.
I greatly appreciate people telling me, before they make up their full production, in person that they are with child. I know that sometimes I might not handle it how they want me to handle it, but I am trying. Deep in my heart I am excited and thankful for their baby and pray fervently that they have a wonderful healthy complication free pregnancy.
But I’m jealous. Not of their baby. Or their due date. Or their family. Or really their life. I am jealous of their fertility. The ability to “not really try” and get pregnant. Meanwhile I have been busting my butt for the last 16 months, only to be rewarded with a baby, then to lose it.
I have spoken to a few friends who I have specifically asked to being praying hard for me right now. Its hard to hear a friend say “I’m pregnant, and due April XXth.” Well, my baby was due two after yours, or one before yours. Now I don’t have that baby. And with all my heart I want that baby. I can’t have him, I know he is waiting for me, being rocked by some sweet angel in heaven. So, if I can’t have him, can I get a little fertility thrown my direction?
I am jealous of the fertiles.