Monthly Archives: March 2014

Applications are started

Well, I have enjoyed the last year. Just subbing around, watching some kiddos, sleeping in when I felt like it. And it has been wonderful for my spiritual and emotional well being. Dealing with infertility and teaching I think would have been too much this year. Not even including the fact that I miscarried the first week of school, so that would have been NUTS. But the school year and drawing to an end, which means that positions are becoming available, so my resume starts going out again.

Its going to be difficult to go back to work, especially if we have some kiddos in our home, but I know it’s the best thing for us to do.

But it kinda makes me sad.

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Living in Psalm 13

1 How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?

3 Look on me and answer, Lord my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,
4 and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

5 But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
6 I will sing the Lord’s praise,
for he has been good to me.

It is so easy to live in the first four verses. But I am choosing to live in the last two. My Lord has been good to me, through all of this craziness, He is good. I am not forgotten, I am not alone. In His time, my family will be realized.

How to POAS.

When you are a POAS addict and infertile, there are two common sense techniques you should employ when peeing on a stick.

(Photo Credit)

1. Pee in a cup. These little highlight disposable shot glasses are my preference. They’re narrow enough to not require all of my urine, and deep enough to dip the stick in completely. Pee in a cup, so if there is a questionable result, you will be able to recreate.

2. Wipe first. Pee in a cup, then wipe. This generally saves me at least one test. Ya know the whole “My period is due any second, every test has been negative, but maybe there is still a chance.” If after you wipe there is no blood, or pink tinged cm, open your stick and dunk away.

Today at 15 dpo, I followed number 1, but not number two. I dunked my stick super eagerly. Wiped and found pink tinged cm. That was a waste of $4(it was a kroger brand blue dye.)

Respite approved…waiting on paperwork.

We had our final homestudy yesterday. It was long but went well. We are officially approved to do respite, and hopefully will be open sooner rather than later. Our worker said she has one study to write ahead of ours, but as soon as she write our draft we should be prepared for placements. After she has written our home study draft it has to be approved by her boss, the her boss’s boss. While that process can take awhile, if there is a situation where they need our home open BC of a specific placement, they can rush the process.

 

In our homestudy our worker asked us about our loss. I cried, and honestly, if she had asked me at the last one, I probably wouldn’t have cried. Its just so close to our due date, and AF is due any day now, so its an emotional time of the cycle. She asked if I felt we would can deal with more losses, BC that’s the one thing foster care promises, that we will lose placements and our hearts will break. i told her, it’ll hurt, and I’ll cry, probably everytime. But we know God is going to use us in these children’s lives exactly the way and length of time they need. And that’s what we are here for. She also said, if we can stick to our faith and fully trust in His plans, she is confident that we can get some adoptions out of this process. She said she doesn’t know how many placements we’ll have to take, but if we hang in there, it’ll happen.

also, those twins have been placed, so we are just waiting for some kiddos to be ours, for however long God intends.

Accidents happen?

Call it a whoopsie. Oopsie. Accident. Surprise. Unplanned. Whatever you may. But to all of these I call bull crap.(Photo credit)

We all know how baby making works, so don’t play ignorant when you’re bidness results in a baby.

Surprise pregnancies have a specific spot on my frustration list. Here’s why:

1) Bull crap. Intercourse results in pregnancy(in the typical non-infertiles of the world.)

2) For some reason, there is this delightful blessing associated with surprises. Like THIS is Gods hand at work. When in reality, any pregnancy is Gods hand at work. All babies are a blessing and exactly in His timing. Whether you’re trying or not.

3) Inadequacy. I can’t explain this enough. To me it perfectly summarizes my feeling a as an infertile. And when you accidentally get pregnant while I’m over here putting all sorts of medication and hormones in my body. And setting alarms for all times of the night to properly time ovulation. I’m spending money on urine sticks that indicate ovualtion, and then that I’ll test out my trigger, and then continue peeing in hopes of seeing the line reappear. And you do it without even trying, then call it an accident, or surprise. Inadequacy.

A new specific irritation with this whole thing, is people feigning surprise pregnancy. I’ve seen it in couples trying for their first, or third. Fertile and infertiles. Like there is some negative stigma attached to trying. “I don’t know how this happened” is a phrase I detest. I think the infertiles who feigned surprise did it BC of the unexplainable shame that come with infertility.

We’re working our butt off for our baby, and I’m freaking proud of it. Our baby is so wanted we will sacrifice many things to get her here, and she will be so loved.

 

Today I skipped the gym.

I’ve been working out 4-5 mornings a week at the local cross fit gym since the second week of this cycle. There are some days I can go because of work, but if I can make it. I go. This morning I could make it. Joseph was even going to go with me. But I skipped.

Why did I skip? On a day where I have nothing to do, when I could come back home and take a nap? Because I’m cramping. Bring on AF, I’m ready to get this party started.

End of cycle 22

Cycle twenty of trying to conceive our first born is coming to an end. I have taken four pregnancy tests(three frer) and all have been negative. I’m 13 dpo today, and I believe my non medicated LP is 15 days, but we’ll see.

We will be going back to the RE this cyxle(so much for that ten month break!) and be trying a clomid iui. I believe she will do a split dosage of 150, 150, 100, 100, 100. So the first two days will be 150, the last three at 100. I’m going to ask about doing the mini hcg shots between follicle scan and trigger shot BC I don’t want one follicle to pull ahead on dominance(which mine generally do.) If I get my period Friday, our iui will likely be two ish weeks from that day.we’re going to be picky with the iui, meaning I want a thick lining and these follicles.

also at our RE appt, I’m going to ask about injectables. I’m cool with trying one or two iuis on clokid, but we know clomid things my lining(even with many eggs producing estrogen and estrogen patches.) she is going to put me on a larger dose of estrogen. At that point will also enter the IVF talk on my part. Not that I’m ready to bump into IVF. But I want to think cost effective. If an injectable iui cycle runs me a couple of grand, I don’t want to end up six iuis later, emptywombed, and having paid enough for an ivf cycle. So its about likelihood of success and cost.

Skidamarinkadinkadink

Because I couldn’t wait another minute!

First of all, thanks to everyone of your all for all the sweet comments and tolerance of these posts. I know it may seem silly to make such a big deal out of a room for some foster kiddos, but all through our training they told us to treat these kiddos like they are our own. So I bought into it. I made a nursery like I would if we were expecting. I sewed and created unique elements I would if these were my forever kids. I invested time and money into this room, and I am so overwhelmed with appreciation that I have been given this opportunity. This opportunity to nest. I may never get the traditional nesting opportunity that many women get when they are pregnant, but screw tradition! Seriously, we are starting our family, we are going to be parents. We are going to parents to MANY, and I am so thankful for the opportunities we are going to have to love on these children and parent, and provide for them for however much time we are give with them.

I am ESPECIALLY thankful for Joseph. They say men become fathers the moment they see their child, but a woman becomes mother the moment she finds out she is pregnant. I think this very much applies to our lives. Both in the sense that we already have  a little one in heaven waiting for us, and in the fostering sense. I am all in, I am excited and giddy and nervous. Joseph is more nervous than anything. It is a difficult situation, and I know he is going to be an amazing father-figure to these kiddos. And he has been an AMAZING husband through this whole process. Letting me go all in on these kiddos, where it is easy to say that’ll we’ll just hold off until we actually have them.

So, without further ado, here’s our kiddo room.

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This is our little corner. I envision reading books and bouncing children in this chair. This is the Pello chair from Ikea which I very much like. It has a slight bounce to it that will be nice when comforting children. The pillows are the Krakris from Ikea with a pillow case made by me. Also I found that cute giraffe bucket/bin at Home Good which we will use for toy storage.WP_20140322_002 (1)

 

Here is on of the buntings I made. It says skidamarink a dink a dink. The lamp is the Kajuta lamp from Ikea. WP_20140322_003

Here is our Ikea Expedit book case. We bought the four by four in white. I have heard that they are discontinuing the Expedit series, which is a sad day.  We also purchase the Drona boxes in turquoise, which we will use for clothes and toy storage. I am picturing a couple of the shelves full of books, the bottom four for toys, and the bins will be used for other thingsWinking smile. Currently it is staged with my stacking rings, abacus(we parent heavy on math, that happens when a math teacher and computer engineer get married) and some blocks. But fully expect it to be a jumbled mess, and can hardly wait.

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Here you can see the door and closet, along with another bunting I made. It says skida marink a doo. Do you see where we’re going with this?

WP_20140322_007Here is our crib wall. The bunting says “I love you”. And in the left corner you can barely see the khaki colored giraffe bucket/bin that coordinates with the giraffe one, once again bought a Home Goods.The cribs are Storkcraft Mission Ridge which is actually different from what we ordered. But I think the discontinued the one we had ordered so they gave us a free upgrade. The only real difference was the one we ordered didn’t have the solid wood on the back, but really it’s no big deal. I did buy inexpensive Wal-Mart cribs. But not only because they were cheap. They where simple and clean which was important to me. But also, I have seen so many kiddos gnaw all over their cribs, to the point that they don’t make it to kid #2, so this is exactly what we would have done for a birth child of ours.WP_20140322_008

Here’s a shot on the inside of our cribs. It is the same cushion from Ikea, along with a homemade pillowcase. We also have an Ikea Gurli throw in each crib. Which we will remove if their age makes it unsafe. Our sheets are from Target, is the Circo Elephant Silhouette fitted crib sheet. I had actually purchase Premier Prints Gisella in True Turquoise (the girraffe fabric) to make some sheets out of, but silly me, I didn’t read closely enough and they are a medium weight fabric thus not soft and comfy for sheets. But I have enough left over, I may make a big ole floor pillow. I also made the crib skirts. They are a natural linen blend. They very much match the cushion on the corner chair, and the giraffe bucket/bin.WP_20140322_009

Then above the right crib are these posters I showed you all in a Nursery Wall Décor. Framed in the Ikea Nyttja frame.WP_20140322_011The reflection here is really bad, but once again, these are the posters I posted in my previous post in the same Ikea frames.WP_20140322_013Here is our Ikea Lack table in high gloss turquoise. I love that it is the exact right height for a toddling little one to stand up next to, and fully anticipate “hacking” this to be a duplo/lego table soon. The white curtains are also from Ikea, they’re the Vivan curtains in white. I can not stress how great of a deal they are! Seriously. We debated in Ikea between white, their turquoise or grey, but in the end I’m glad we went with White.WP_20140322_012

And here is a whole wall version.

Skida-ma-rink-a-dink-a-dink.

Skida-ma-rink-a-doo.

I love you.

I love you in the morning.

And in the afternoon.

I love you in the evening.

And underneath the moon.

Oh,

Skida-ma-rink-a-dink-a-dink.

Skida-ma-rink-a-doo.

I love you.