This pregnancy has been anything but usual. First of all, conceiving Calvin took 23 months, fertility drugs, specimen cups, and a uterine catheter. Then I’ve had two chorionic hemorrhages. Then I had a case study worth of varicose veins in my cervix resulting in crazy amounts of bleeding for weeks. So we put in a cerclage around 21 weeks. The bleeding died off around week 23-24. And my last appointment with the mfm, my cervix looked much more normal.
the last couple of days I’ve been having increased cervical pressure. Today I’ve been spotting. Currently I’m in the waiting room at mg obs. I’m sure this is just typical cerclage behavior, but they(and I) want to make sure.
My friend asked me at my inlaw shower if I’m having dreams of Calvin. And sadly the answers are no. I’m having nightmares about Calvin. The most recent one was last night.
I woke up, in my twin bed at my parents house, BC Joseph and I had separated, to the bed being soaked in blood. Joseph wouldn’t answer his phone BC he could see it was me calling, so I had to call his parents landline at 6am to tell him. And in my dream I said ” I obviously don’t know for certain if I lost him, but it feels that way.”
these are the dreams I have. That something is going to go wrong. Because that is the trend of my pregnancy so far.
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