Today Calvin is one month old. Joseph got a bit frustrated with me last night BC I mentioned something about the next baby, and he said, to Calvin ” see, she can’t even stop and be content, shes already planning the next one.” It hurt my feelings initially, I was thinking”I would love to not have to think about it and pray that we are blessed with a surprise but chances are it’s going to take medical intervention and time for us.” But then I stopped pouting and had a reality check.
this month is gone. I will never get it back. I have loved it, but have I appreciated it for all it is? No. It makes me sad to admit it, but I have dreaded the night feedings Wished for Calvin to just go to sleep after an exhausting day, snapped at Joseph over nothing. But how to you, in the moment, decide to enjoy the extra cuddle time at 3am? How do I show patience and extend grace to Joseph when we’re both running on fumes? How do I say forget napping in the crib, I’m going to hold my boy while he’ll still let me?
I hope to find out soon. Over the next month I hope my perspective Changes. I pray that contentment overwhelms me. I pray that I can appreciate all I have right this very moment, and not dream about Calvin sleeping through the night, but treasure our middle of the night moments while they’re here.
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