Monthly Archives: July 2015

supply and allergies.

so I have been try my hardest to get my supply back up. I’ve been eating and drink, I’ve been pumping after two feedings a day. I did a whole day in bed skin to skin with Calvin letting him nurse whenever he wanted. I’ve been power pumping the last two nights. I finally took Calvin to the pediatrician BC of his hives, hes had them pretty much daily. She thinks it sounds like a milk allergy. Which if you recall, I did milk and soy free diet until Calvin was 5 months BC of a suspected allergy. So she gave me some samples of alimentum BC he’s hasn’t gained weight. In fact he actually lost weight. At his six month(7/6) appt naked he weighed 16 lbs 1 oz. Then when I took him in (7/28) he weighed clothed with a diaper 16lbs 2oz. So she gave us formula to supplement with, bit ofcourse he wont eat it. Like gags and dry heaves if I put the bottle in his mouth. So that’s discouraging. She did say we can offer the solid foods he has had before the initial reaction(avocados, carrots, banana.) and he has allergy tested Monday August 3. I’m praying so hard it isn’t a milk allergy, BC that is going to make things super difficult and stressful if my supply doesn’t rebound. Who knows.


it hasnt gotten any easier

I don’t know when it will. We moved a tv into our bedroom. When we lost our baby, doctor who helped. We’re starting it again tonight. From season 1.

my older brother is in Cambodia visiting his fiancee. Last night, when I closed my eyes, all I could picture was my younger brother wear the jeans that I patched, holding his daughter, while his fiancee stood near. I had s break down, and I’m so thankful my older brother is over there, BC he was awake, and we messaged back and forth for hours.

everything is going to suck. I mean, somethings will be good, but the fact that they’re not here makes it suck.

I’m probably going to talk to a grief counselor at some point. I’d say about 97% of the time I’m in denial, 1% I’m drunk (don’t judge) 2%I’m devastated. I know its not healthy, but it makes me feel so much better to think they’re on an extended vacation.

Hardest week of my life

This past week was the hardest of my life. I am so thankful for all the sweet words and condolences, I’m sorry I didn’t respond back to each of you individually, it was just too hard.

They are gone, and we are here. I told my sister, its is a very selfish sadness I have. Because they’re together, and happy, and wonderful. So I’m not sad they’re there, I’m sad that I don’t get to live my life with them.

My sisters wedding is in 7 weeks, so we’re focusing on that. My older brother will be home from Cambodia in a month an that will be great too.

the first year will be the hardest. Thanksgiving to January 3rd will likely be the very hardest. obviously the holidays, but their baby was due 12/27, my nieces birthday was 1/1, and my brothers birthday was 1/3.

Stress and milk supply

so, I’m overwhelmed and stressed. Mainly due to the loss of my brother and his family, but there are several other things playing into it.

it has been super stormy here recently, and yesterday, our house was struck by lightening. This blew a fuse in our ac, and fried our tv, router, and modem. And my FIL was working in the basement and switched our sump pump to a different outlet. Well it stormed again last night and we woke up to an inch of water in our basement.

so, all of this stress has lead me to believe my supply might be taking a hit. Calvin has been almost inconsolable at times recently and begging for the breast. I was trying to be super nonchalant about supplementing, BC truthfully it’s nbd. So tonight I gave him four ounces of Similac, the same formula we used when he was a newborn. And with ten minutes he had a crazy rash, and was gagging and trying to vomit. So we called the on all nurse and she said it was our call. So BC I’m all super paranoid, we went to the ER. The Dr said hes likely allergic to the formula. So there goes my easy breezy attitude, I’ve gotta get my supply up. I may be waking at four am to pump. Ugh.

How are we this old already?!

Well Calvin is already 6 months. We had his 6 month check up complete with vaccinations. He did great. He is 16lbs 1 oz(20 percentile) and 28 inches (93 percentile.) So he’s growing great and right on track with his growth curve. We have only given him breastmilk since he was 1 week old. He nurses great, but is starting to get a bit distracted when nursing. We usually give maybe one bottle of day. I don’t pump often, unless I do the gym in the morning, then I pump at 4:30, and I’m back to nurse him at 7(his first feeding of the day.)

Speaking of nursing and schedules. He still pretty much eats every three hours. But it seems like he is starting to not be interested, so we may try spacing it out. He eat at 7am, 10am, 1pm, 4pm, 7pm, with a dreamfeed at 9:30. He goes down for bed at 7, then we dreamfeed(he usually wakes up for it, not much of a dreamfeed) and then he’ll go right back down until 7am. We had a couple of days(maybe actually a week or 2) where he would wake up in the middle of the night gnawing on his hands or paci, so we started giving him a half dose of tylenol at the dreamfeed because we suspected teething, and since them he’s been back to sleeping. When he was waking, we didn’t go to him because he wasn’t crying and would fall back asleep on his own.

We did cry it out, and he started going to sleep super easily. Then we went on vacation. It was lovely, but we were in a (barely) one bedroom condo, and if he cried it was really difficult for us to do anything. And Nina is kind of a pansy when it comes to cry it out. So he was held to sleep for about three days in a row, and we paid for it. In fact the last night there, he refused to sleep unless he was held. And because we were trying to leave at 4:30 am, and him screaming was going to keep everyone awake(seriously, he screamed for about an hour and half) I went to the living room/kitchen and pulled out the pull out couch and just held him and he slept/didn’t scream. So when we came back from florida, we had to re-cio. It only took about a day this time, and……….Calvin has learned to sleep on his belly!

Before when Calvin would roll over to his belly, he would wake up and look around and be awake. Now he sleeps, and WELL!. Seriously. Moms out there who are struggling with short naps(Calvin was called Calvin-no-nap by my mom bc there were days he’d take three 10 minutes naps) hang in there. For us, since he learned to sleep on his belly, he’s been taking 1-2 hour naps.

We did start solids on Sunday. My pediatrician recommended starting with a grain cereal, but I decided to start with avocado. We’re only doing solids once a day, about an hour after nursing. The first day, he loved it, wanted more. The last two days he has gagged and almost puked. Tomorrow we’re doing rainbow carrot puree. Carrots are sweeter when then avocado, so hopefully it goes over well. I also have kale, spinach, winter squash, and peas ready. I know I can do fruit, but a lot of those(carrot, squash, peas, and spinach) have a lot of sweetness to it. Also we don’t do a lot of fruit. I know Calvin needs fruit, and we will do bananas soon, and maybe some applesauce andpeaches. I also want to do beets, and blue berries. Our pediatrician said go for it! The only thing we need to avoid is honey until he’s a year. So I imagine we’ll do banana and then banana and peanut butter. I plan on making bulk batches and freezing the leftovers. With the avocado, I couldn’t find my ice cube tray, so I just sliced it and froze slices, when I thaw it, I just mash it up. I think I’m also going to do liver and other nutrient dense foods. I’m excited for when I can mix things.

Now for my photo dump!WP_20150707_12_37_16_Pro

Belly Sleeping! Love it for nap extensions!

WP_20150628_10_03_04_ProFirst time in the sand. He didn’t hate it.

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Buddy loved the pool


Napping on the beach.


Many family members made fun of my for how covered up he was, but I wasn’t going to deal with a sunburnt baby.


DIY mesh baby water wrap, Calvin loved it. The ocean was too rough for me to feel comfortable wearing him in the waves, but it was wonderful in the pool.WP_20150703_19_41_03_Pro

Family picture.