it hasnt gotten any easier

I don’t know when it will. We moved a tv into our bedroom. When we lost our baby, doctor who helped. We’re starting it again tonight. From season 1.

my older brother is in Cambodia visiting his fiancee. Last night, when I closed my eyes, all I could picture was my younger brother wear the jeans that I patched, holding his daughter, while his fiancee stood near. I had s break down, and I’m so thankful my older brother is over there, BC he was awake, and we messaged back and forth for hours.

everything is going to suck. I mean, somethings will be good, but the fact that they’re not here makes it suck.

I’m probably going to talk to a grief counselor at some point. I’d say about 97% of the time I’m in denial, 1% I’m drunk (don’t judge) 2%I’m devastated. I know its not healthy, but it makes me feel so much better to think they’re on an extended vacation.

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