thanksgiving was my favorite.

I loved thanksgiving. It was family time without presents. But today is our first thanksgiving since what my dad so appropriately refers to as the tragedy. Its getting hard. My niece was exactly 363 days older than Calvin. So as he is experiencing his first thanksgiving, I can’t help but remember last thanksgiving. I was so excited and thankful for my little boy who was cooking safely inside my womb, and would be out in five short weeks. And so it really made me focus on my nieces first thanksgiving. And all I could think was that this time next year, we were going to have a kid that age. And now, we’re there. And she’s not. I’m so thankful for our time with them, but I also feel robbed. I know the rest of my life will be so worth living, but a part of me just wants to fast forward the next 70 years. I think mainly because I can’t comprehend 70 years without my brother. Especially when compared to the 25 I had with him.

I have so many things to be thankful for. But there is this big grey storm cloud that is kinda there.

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