Monthly Archives: December 2015

its easy to be reflective

I’ve had the greatest and worst year of my life. I love being a momma, it is amazing, but I miss being and older sister, sister-in-law, and aunt to my brother and his family. This past sunday, i should have had a nephew. Tomorrow is my nieces birthday. Sunday is my brothers. We’re blowing bubbles in celebration of my nieces day, but I’m mad today. I’m mad at the guy. I’m mad that charlotte didn’t get to celebrate her 2nd birthday. I’m mad Russell didn’t get to see 25. I’m mad Briana never got to hold her son.

2016 is going to be good, it doesn’t seem like it could be worse.


My great Aunt knit all my dads family stockings. When spouses came along, she knitted them stockings. When kids came along we all got stockings, but that is where it stopped. I taught myself to knit just so I could keep it going. I’ve knitted four so far, I still have to my brothers fiance that was killed in the crash, hers is about 70% done, I just could finish it this Christmas. But the tradition continues on.

hope you all had a wonderful Christmas!

half birthday

My birthday is June 22nd. In elementary school, you got to bring on cupcakes or a treat on your birthday. Mine was in the middle of summer break, so I never got to. One time the teacher suggested I bring treats in on my half birthday, which is December 22nd, on Christmas break. So that didn’t happen either.

Calvin is going to have the same issue. My baby turns one is 8 days.

not pregnant. normal.

this morning I woke up to bleeding. So that makes me not pregnant, which the three pregnancy tests I had taken had already informed me of, with their judgey one line(grr!) so that’s a bit of a bummer.

but some exciting news. My cycle was 35 days, which is completely normal for me. I also probably had my ovulation accurate which is good. We did the deed many times(its nice when its for fun:)) but specifically 5 days before ovulation, 3 days before, the day before, and the day after. So i feel like I had my bases covered pretty well. I think the plan is another cycle on our own, no opks, or temping. Then to see the RE, which will put us late January probably.

cautiously optimistic: 1st tww ttc #2

I’m approximating that im 12 dpo. Its approximating BC I didn’t temp or opk this month. Didn’t even really track cm. I just know I was crampy for a couple of days midcycle, so I called that ovulation.

so the last couple I have been able to feel my uterus laying down on my tummy. This is one of the earliest signs I’ve had everytime I’ve been pregnant. Then last night I was rolling over and had the Charlie horse abdominal thing(round ligament pains?) which also is the very first symptom I’ve had in the past. And I’d say I’m much sleepier than usual. I wanted to take a nap yesterday afternoon, but Calvin woke up from his. But I did go to sleep at 830, and woke up at 8. I’ll test tomorrow.

tis the season

when we first opened our home for fostering. Our worker says it tends to happen in spurts. Generally at the start of the school year, around Christmas, and at the end of the school year. Our first placement happened at the beginning of last school year, we went on hold before Christmas BC of the impending baby, and stayed on hold until September of this year. Well in the last two days we have had three calls. One for a 9 month old girl, a 3 week old boy, and a sibling set of three(4mo,2yr,3yr).

Wednesday, the 9 month old we said yes we would take. The placement coordinator said that they were going to court today, and the mom had her rights terminated on four siblings, so even though they didn’t have her in car, they felt it was a sure thing. Well the little girl wasn’t removed.

Thursday morning, our worker texts asking how it was going, and I told her we actually didn’t get the little girl, and she said she was shocked, then asked if we were disappointed. I told her yes a bit. And she asked if we were interested in a 3 week old boy. He was from a county over, and they had left two messages with homes in that county, but if they couldn’t take him, we would be next. We said yes. She ended up texting me that a family member came forward, but both of the in county families had said np, so he would have been ours. He has several siblings as well, all in care.

Thursday evening we get a call from the head of the office, saying she knows they’ve called us quite a bit, and also know we still don’t have a placement. She has a placement for us, but its ok if its a no BC its 3 kiddos, and we’ve only opened for one(two max.) I felt like this was a np, but I called Joe just to make sure he didn’t have a different opinion. He didn’t, so we said we couldn’t take all three, but if they had to split up we could take the baby. We don’t have three other car seats. Or three unoccupied seats in our car. Or unoccupied cribs.

By three calls in 24 hours. I feel weird about hoping for more, BC that means kiddos are being hurt/neglected.

in the tww

I’m halfway into this tww. I’ve done surprisingly well this whole cycle after about cd8 with being calm and peaceful. But something about this blasted waiting period. I just want to go pee on a stick. I’m only 7dpo, so I know its too soon. My plan was to hold out until the 18th, and if still no period I’d poas then. I would be 18dpo, but first of all, I’m bout certain I ovulated when I said I did, I’m just going based on cramps and what day it was. And I’ve also heard that your cycles are kinda wonky and that they may be long in the for the first few cycles.

I told Joe I want to do a treatment cycle in January, maybe we will, maybe we wont. I’m not really sure yet. It’ll probably depend on finances.

im going call that ovulation

so, for the sake of my sanity, I’m going to say I ovulated yesterday. With the cramping and the cm(seriously, I forgot about fertile cm) I think it was likely yesterday. So now I’m over the fertile phase. I handled it well in terms of craziness. No opks. No temping. Minimal baby craziness. I did ask Joe if maybe we could do treatment cycle in January(not next cycle but the next) I feel like id like to do them in spurts. Two months on, two month off. That’d be easier emotionally and financially. But who knows. He did immediately say yes, but I think he understands its going to be really difficult for me to keep the ttc to not crazy. So we’ll probably just discuss after the new year. For now, I have one month to plan my baby’s first birthday party. I think we’re not doing a theme, just birthday. And we’re doing it on his actual birthday, on Wednesday. And that’s that. I also need to get our Christmas card printed. And I’m busy being a little ole homemaker(which I’m getting much better at😊)

mid cycle cramping

priot to treatment cycles, I would usually ovulate cd17-22. Today is cd 18, and I’m cramping. Like almost feel like my period should be here cramping. I never would cramp before at ovulation, even when we triggered and I released 3 eggs. Oh well, post pregnancy body is weird. I have no idea when my period is due. The last one started on the 12. I figure if I don’t have a period by the 20th, ill take my $tree test. That’ll be 38 days. I know my cycle may be wonky, but my longest cycle before was 37 days. So who knows. I’m surprisingly calm and not going insane. Other than noticing the cramping, I’m not really tracking anything. We have dtd several times since cd13, and we’ll likely continue, but it isn’t overwhelming or pressureful.

also, my baby slept terribly last night. Maybe teeth? Idk. He was sitting up and crying at 1030, so I went to hold him. Then again at 130, 4, 530, and 645. I didn’t go in any of these times though. But I’m exhausted.