two kids is hard.

happt mothers day to all. I know it hard to hear if your in the midst of infertility, someone complain about two kids, but its hard.

its hard BC its exhausting, obviously. But I feel an immense amount of guilt over Peanut. We are, with 99% confidence, going to adopt Peanut. And right now I’m all about fake it til you make it. We had always talked about adopting from foster care, and I’d told Joe that by the time that subject was even broached, we would have had months and months of bonding. But it seems that way, and has seemed that way from day 1. And we haven’t had that bonding. Then throw in that Peanut is a newborn baby blob(just like he’s supposed to be) it makes it more difficult. So right now, we love on him, tell him that we love him, kiss, him, cuddle him, hug him, sing to him songs saying “momma loves you, daddy loves you” BC I know we will someday. But right now we’re going through the motions. It’ll get easier as we have more time, and as he becomes more interactive.

some mommas birth babies and don’t feel and immediate connection right?

but I feel guilty, that there wasn’t some instant love. I care deeply for him, and don’t want anything bad to happen, and would love for him to be ours forever, but right now, we’re still getting to know him, and adjust to our new familial norm.

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