Monthly Archives: July 2016


Age: 28(J is techincally 27 and 50 weeks, but we’ll call him 28)

DX: Unexplained infertility

Took 23 for #1 including 8 rounds of ovulation stimulation drug(6 clomid, 1 femara) got pg the first time we did clomid + iui.

Cycle came back October 2015. TTC #2 ever since. We’ve done 2 clomid + iui (January 2016 with 2 follicles, March 2016 with 4, great sperm count – 60,000,000+ post wash) BFN. We have been ttc the old fashioned way  ever since. So we’re at 10 month TTC #2.

I’m not ready to go back to the RE yet, waiting for things to settle with Peanut. I’m thinking I’d like to go back in November. Am I ridiculous for wanting to maybe talk about injectables? Both IUI’s this time my lining has taken a pretty substantial hit. I just want to know. I’m not sure if my RE is going to want to do another clomid iui, but I’m hesistant bc I feel like we’re just wasting money, and injectables is going to cost more, both for medication, and monitoring. So…what do you think?

10 months and broken

We have officially been TTC #2/3 for 10 months. I’ve kept pretty good spirits so far. With the seconf failureof our iui we got our foster baby peanut who has kept me busy, but now it’s been 10 months, and I’m not pregnant. And I’m disappointed. I just was hopeful that it would be easier the second time around. It isn’t. It isn’t easier to conceive or to deal with infertility. I still feel like my body is failing me. I feel like I want to run more tests. To figure out why we struggle. But we’ve run the tests, they’re all fine.

When I wasexplaining this to Joe, he asked if Calvin wasn’t enough. Which if peanut goes home and Calvin was our one and only miracle, he is enough. But as long as I am not menopausal, I will always hope that there is a way I could get pregnant. And then always be disappointed when I’m not. We may go get a second opinion, but I like my doctor. So we may not. I definitely want to do some treatment again, maybe in October, November and December. Then take a break again. Idk, but this infertility can wreck you.

Three hundred and sixty five.

Days. Since they took their last breath.
I can’t believe it’s been a year. Truthfully the last time I aw them was fathers day 2015, but earlier this morning, 1:33am to be exact, was the moment they were hit. I remember a year ago, I woke up at 1:30am, and couldn’t fall back asleep. I wonder if that is because I had to be awake as my brother, his fiancée, and my niece took their last breath. 
There is so much I want to share about their demise, so you all can truly grasp the inhumanity of it, but I don’t think it’d be the best legally.
I was unprepared. I shouldhace have had a bath bomb. I declared July 11th from here on out requirea a bath bomb, doctor who and wine.

It is hard to comprehend, the amount of heartache I still have, I thought it would be different, but it is just as raw.