Category Archives: BabyMics

Cervix, Calvin, and heart update.

So today I had my colposcopy (microscope view of my cervix.) My ob got in there, and rubbed the vinegar solution on my cervix, and it started bleeding. Profusely bleeding. Like spent ten minutes changing out “sponges” to get it to wear she was comfortable. She wasn’t even able to really get a good look. She doesn’t think it is cancer, but wants has referred me to an ob oncologist(who I’m supposed to meet with in the next two weeks) who sees cancer everyday to be sure. I asked her, if this bleeding just by being touched, had an implication on delivery. She said that if this continues, she’ll likely want to do a c-section. After delivery, she may want to do a biopsy. The ob oncologist may want to a biopsy sooner, which I feel like if she does, we’ll let her. For now, I’m cramping and bleeding, which they told me was ok. I can use tampons for the next 48 hours. If I bleed through more than a tampon/pad an hour, then I’m suppose to call and they’ll have me come in to impact my vagina(stuff it full of sponges.) but hopefully that won’t be an issue. Pelvic rest for the of my pregnancy.

We also had our fetal heart echo/anatomy scan today. Calvin is a MOVER. weighting 11 ounces. Everything measures on time or ahead, except his femur is about a week behind. I know this is a soft marker for down syndrome, but his nuchal fold is normal, and his renal glands and kidneys are normal. Also, Joseph has a longer torso and shorter legs, so I’m thinking he just takes after his daddy. Also he’s got a bigger gap between his big toe and second toe like his daddy. So that’s what I’m going with so I have one less thing to worry about. In terms of his heart, Calvin flipped over and wouldn’t flip back over, they tried for 20 minutes, so they couldn’t get all their measurements. What they saw looks great (4 chambers, all correct arteries) but they want me to go back in at 28 weeks to get another peek at his heart.

I also had my maternal heart echo this morning. they didn’t tell me anything, they have to write their report and my dr will tell me. But I think I have a murmur(which isn’t news.) But there is no issue with my PDA repair(which isn’t news either.)

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Name

We have our boys names. Honestly we’ve had it for years now, but the middle name didn’t seem to fit when we found out we were pregnant. So we thought maybe we’d change it. But our last scare, when we were waiting, nervous this baby was gone or wouldn’t make it, that’s when I knew. I knew my boy by his name. And it fits perfectly. So I made him a baby gown with his name.WP_20140728_001 (1)

Calvin Edric Michels. We love it. We love him. Calvin is our boy.

bump…it’s happening.

19 weeks and my bump is bumped. I’m feeling our baby boy move a lot more. And I feel like I may even be able to feel him from the outside. I had Joseph put his hand on my stomach and concentrate, he thinks he may have felt him, but I had a hard time not giggling so who knows. My next appt in in 9 days. I have started work. We had our first full day on Thursday, it was nice. It was the normal length of time, but an hour later. So normally I’ll work 7:30-2:30, but our day went from 8:30-3:30. So I was able to “practice” in terms of length, but have a couple more days before it’ll be 7:30am. Kids come on Thursday. We still haven’t bought anything for this baby yet. My sister’s bought him a sweet outfit, and my older sister knitted him a cocoon. My mom also bought him a little toy. An outlet mall just opened not even five minutes from my house, so that’s actually where we are headed today, in a few minutes. I need some new bras(I bought one at 7 weeks or so because none of mine fit, but I’ve already outgrown it.) And we may buy this little boy some stuff. Who knows. I’ll do a whole post of everything we have for him soon, and announce our name. We’ve had it picked out since before we started trying, then we got pregnant, and Joseph didn’t like the middle name, so we finally decided on it. Our families know, but that’s pretty much it.19weeks19weeksdown

No One Higher

Today at church, I was a mixed bag of crazy pregnant hormonal emotions. During worship, they played No One Higher

Which is a great worship song. About half way through I started crying. Like tears rolling down my face. Because our baby has ears and can hear, and you know what our baby heard today? Thousands of people pouring their heart out in worship. Including his mommy and daddy. And I couldn’t contain myself, I was so overwhelmed with the idea of Joseph and I raising our baby boy, to worship unashamedly. Belt out praise to his Lord and Savior. And it’s starting now.

He who has ears to hear, let him hear.

Matthew 11:15

And my baby has ears!

Then the sermon series that finished up today was titles Fake ID. It was about how we often identify ourselves with worldly attributes. When we should be identify ourselves in Christ. Any who, our pastor started out discussing Nominative Determinism. Which according to wikipedia (ya know, super reliable source) Nominative determinism (ND) is the theory that a person’s name can have a significant role in determining key aspects of job, profession or even character.

To a mother worrying about the name we have picked out, hearing this made me panic. The meaning of the name we are about 95% sure on is (with first and middle) Bald Prosperous Ruler. So I’m panicking. Names are hard. But then I realized, the whole point of the series is to not let anyone or thing define you outside of Christ. So my hope is that our sons name, despite the literal meaning, will come to represent so much more than Bald Prosperous Ruler.

We have been praying for this baby since before it was a reality. Before medical intervention. Before we even began trying. But I was praying FOR this baby. “Father God, give us a child we can raise to love and serve you.” This has been my prayer for years. Now it’d morphed into a more extensive prayer“Father God, help Joseph and I raise this child to be Your child. To not live for this world. To know, and love, and serve, and disciple in Your name.” And is it weird that I’m already praying for his future wife and his future children. I am.

Baby sewing has began.

Fair warning, baby and baby stuff mentioned. Skip if needed. 

I have been stock piling baby prints and cute cottons and flannels to make for baby. I have girl prints and boy prints. I’ve also been hoarding keeping safe several shirts of Joseph and I’s from high school. Stuff that has Joseph’s basketball number on the back, etc. So tonight I busted them out. I immediately got overwhelmed, so I decided to stick to burp cloths. These are the first of many. We encourage, science, bowties(bow ties are cool), robots, and animals(especially in cute hats.)WP_20140725_001 (2)

I love them, and can’t wait to catch all sorts of gross baby bodily fluids with them.

16 week bump.

I only have my phone, which apparently doesn’t have any photo editing (all I need is cropping) apps, so I’ll fix this when I get home, but wanted to show you all now. The “bump” shows beat in my swim suit, so you’re welcome for that. Lol. As it gets bigger, hopefully my other clothes will show it off. This is actually 16+3. Gender scan is less than 48 hours!

Gender Scan and ramblings.

So I really did start another blog. I think I’m going to delete it. I love you ladies too much to just leave. So who knows.

Our gender scan is booked July 24. I can hardly wait. This morning I woke up with the overwhelming feeling that we’re having a sweet baby girl. Like can’t wipe the smile off my face feeling. I don’t know why. I have honestly had two baby dreams, one it was a boy, one it was a girl. I honestly have no preference, but the girl feeling is strong. July 24th can’t come soon enough. 19 days left. AND five of those we’re going to the lake for vacation. The five right before the appointment July 18- 23rd. So that will be nice to help it pass.

Other things, I’m excited to start showing. I think I am getting bigger, but it isn’t a bump yet. Today I am 14 weeks, and it seems like it is flying. My sweet friend sent me a link to this blog in an email. Definitely a necessary read for me right now. I’m excited to start sewing clothes for my cute bump(or not so cute, that’s be fine too.)

I’m also trying to embrace the change. The change to my body. I would say for the most part I am a typical female when it come to body image. Obviously I’d always like to be a size 4, but I’m not, and I’m ok with it. I’ve yoyoed a bit weight wise since I’ve been married. Getting married at pre college weight. Then fall 2012 I was up 23 pounds from that. I had settled into a nice +10 from wedding weight. I felt confident and comfortable in my skin. Since getting pregnant, I’m down 6-8. Which is fine, but I know the weight gain is going to come, and with it stretch marks. Gaining 23 pounds after getting married I have a hand full of stretch marks(love handles, and thighs.) but they’re fine. I was trying to convince Joe that because my body has already stretched to be around 20 pound heavier than I am now, that maybe I won’t get as many new stretch marks. I don’t know why I’m worried about it. I don’t wear bikinis any more(well, I may wear one at the lake when it is just Joseph and I) because I don’t feel comfortable in them mainly, but also a modesty issue. I don’t like being that exposed for anyone but Joseph and my doctor. But it is kind of panicking to think I’m going to have no control over my body. That’s ok, completely ok. Just a bit nervous.

My sweet friend Amy has told me from before we even started trying to have a baby that when she and her husband decided to have a baby, it was the first time in her life that she truly realized she was not in control. Which anyone who has dealt with infertility knows, I can’t will myself to get pregnant. And once you’re pregnant, you can’t control the outcome of that pregnancy. And once you have that baby, you can’t control that little person who has a wonderful mind of their own. So I’m trying to embrace the lack of control. Bring it on!

Breast feeding V. Formula feeding

So I started another blog. I don’t like it because none of you all are there. Lol. Who knows if I’ll keep it up. I had an ob appt Tuesday, baby is doing fine. I’m 13 weeks 5 days today. We took announcement pictures this past Monday and I should be getting them back today. Also, we are officially open for foster care. So prior to this, we could have gotten a placement, but only if every other home in our county couldn’t take them. Now we are just on the list. So yesterday I toured the day care I think we’ll put them in if our in home care thing doesn’t work out. It was a fine day care. But anyways, back to the title.

Here me out, I have no preferences, pretty much about anything in terms of birthing and raising our baby. Except, NO episiotomy. Other than that, I’m good to go. I have been informed that women who struggled to get pregnant, have a higher tendency of post partum depression. Also winter births have a higher tendency of ppd. So honestly, my goal is to just stay as sane as possible post baby. So here’s where it happens. I am only going to get 6 weeks of maternity leave. I think. I can request for more time, but who knows if it’ll get approved. I know 6 weeks is pretty standard here in the US, but it just doesn’t seem like enough time. So with that being said, I could absolutely breast feed and pump, but the initial cost of getting a pump is going to be like $400. In addition to the fact that the first 6 weeks of breastfeeding people say are the worst. Like if you can make it 6 weeks, you can make it longer. But when I go back to work, as far pumping, I don’t think I will be able to match a schedule that will be needed at 6 weeks.

So then I thought, well, I’ll just breastfeed 6 weeks, and then stop. But why would I put myself through 6 weeks of frustration only to stop?

So then I think, I’ll just formula feed for the beginning. I know I know, breast feeding is “better.” But I’m thinking formula may be better for our family, and our situation. Just start right off the bat formula feeding. Be able to have Joseph help with feeding in the early days. Not stress about whether or not baby is getting enough milk. Not stress about figuring out a pumping schedule. Only having to be awake for the feeding, not a feeding and pumping. Then the added stress of going back to work.

See as a teacher, I can only pump on planning or lunch. I can’t tell my students to work quietly for 20 minutes, then duck into a closet to pump. But I just got my schedule, and I wouldn’t be able to pump for 5 hours(lunch) then in the afternoon (1 hour later) I have planning. This seems fine, but at 6 weeks, from what I can gather, I should be pumping still every 3-4 hours, and there is just no way I could. Which I know would cause me stress in addition to having to leave my baby.

So I am legitimately debating this.

Mothers day is still hard.

Despite the fact that I am pregnant. Mothers day is still hard. We went to church last night, and the sermon was great. At the beginning of the service they asked all the mothers to stand up and we prayed for them. But his prayer started out by praying for all the women who’s hearts so longed to be able to stand up on this day. I cried.

Our latest series has been on Ruth, yesterday was the last sermon in the series, and it was discussed how Ruth gave birth to a son, and Naomi bitterness dissipated. How a baby changes everything. Through Ruth and Boaz came Obed, who was the grandfather to David. Who was the great25-grandfather of Jesus.

Our preacher went on to say, a baby changes everything, but sometimes, that baby isn’t this side of heaven.

This resonated with me. My baby, who made me a mother, I will never meet until I’m called Home. And this baby, who I pray fervently that Joseph and I will get to meet in 34 weeks, may be destined to join their sibling, if that isn’t what God has planned for us, then we’ll continue on.

Miscarriage isn’t what we planned. We didn’t forsee it. It doesn’t make any sense. But I am confident that it will all be used to glorify my God.