Category Archives: bleedingwhilepregnant

Baby boy knows his mommy is overbearing

It’s hard not to be, for any mom. We worry about these babies before we know they’re even babies. We do everything within our power to make sure we’ve down everything we can to keep these babies healthy.

Anywho, I’ve been home from the ob for about two hours, laying on the couch, and watching Grey’s Anatomy, and baby boy Michels is moving. Like he’s saying “relax mom! Gosh!” It feels like a zing, or a itty bitty rumble. It’s lower than I thought. But he’ll do it in response to me pushing on him.

All today Joseph just kept saying “I just want to meet him.” and I couldn’t agree more. I just want to meet him. And love on him. And to show him how much he is loved.

Thank you all for the prayers and support today. It’s such a wonderful thing that a quick post like that, I had so many people praying for us and our baby. And we felt the prayers the whole day. Even when we were scared out of our minds, we both were able to step back and realize how thankful we are. We are thankful for the 17 weeks and 4 days we have had with this baby boy so far, and we are hopeful for many more. But so thankful for this precious life. Who’s growing and moving, and probably already annoyed at his mommy for being so worried.

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Update 2

We waited in the u/s waiting room for about fifteen minutes until we were called back. She first did a abdominal u/s, we got to see baby boy, and hear his heart beat. She checked the placenta(which is on the back wall of my uterus.) and then told me to undress from the waist down so she could do an internal u/s. She did the internal u/s and didn’t say anything. Finished up and said “Go ahead and get dressed, then go back out to waiting room, the doctor is going to want to talk to you again.” Our hearts sunk. Our dr at told us that she wouldn’t want to see us again if everything was ok. So she’s in this room typing up the report and has to have two other u/s techs come in for opinions. We were panicking. We eventually were called into a room where we waited for the dr. She came in and said the u/s tech thinks I may have a varicose vein on my cervix. She had never seen one before, but they happen all over the place in pregnancy. So we’ll just monitor that, and it should return to normal post partum. That could be a reason for the bleeding. But more likely its my new sub-chorionic hemorrhage. I had one at 7 weeks, and we went to the ER for it. I have one again. She check my u/s from 6 days ago and I didn’t have one then, so it’s a new development. I am on pelvic rest, and limited physical activity (no heavy lifting, or strenuous activity) until my next appt which is 8/18. So that’s that. Apparently, I’m not very good at getting pregnant, and my body isn’t good at being pregnant. Thankful my cervix isn’t shortened or dialting. Thankful baby boy has a great heart beat. Thankful for so much right now. Just hoping this hemorrhage gets smaller and goes away soon.

Is this real life?

This doesn’t feel real. I’m not able to wrap my head around the fact that I’m no longer growing our baby. This is mainly because I still have all the pregnancy symptoms. My nurse practitioner said it could be two or more weeks before all my pregnancy hormone is gone. Meaning maybe for the next two weeks I could continue to have symptoms of the baby that is no more. This maybe the most difficult thing I’ve ever dealt with.

My whole life is Yours.

Hey, I just met you(5w3d ago), and this is crazy, even though I lost you, You’ll always be my baby.

Miscarriage confirmed this morning via ultrasound. We were told to take a 2 month break from trying to conceive to let my hormones stabilize. We are devastated. After 14 month trying for this baby, to have it end so soon seems incredibly unfair. But Joseph and I are confident in God’s plan for our family. I hope during these two months that we can do many things I wouldn’t be able to do if pregnant or trying. For instance, this Sunday, I had helped organize a ziplining and cheesecake factory girls night with ladies in my small group, if I was pregnant, I shouldn’t be ziplining. But now, i’m not pregnant, and upset about it. So I’m ziplining and eating LOADS of cheesecake.

Other things I plan to do during this no baby time, take advil for every ache and pain I have. Tylenol is nothing, seriously nothing. I may as well eat TicTacs, they taste better and offer about the same amount of pain relief.

I’m going to use a heating pad for cramps, I’m having quite a few of those right now, and I can use a heating pad! It seriously makes me so happy!

Enjoy having sex for fun. Not for one moment would I say that Joseph and I’s intimacy is lacking, but being able to have sex not for the purpose of creating a life relieves a certain amount of pressure when it come to doing the deed. We will enjoy that.

Continue losing weight. January to March I lost about 16 pounds. Between March and July I gained about 6 back, but then from July to my BFP I had lost 8 more pounds. I’ve been carb bingeing since Monday, but before that, I was only 6.6 pounds heavier than Joseph and I got married. So maybe I can keep doing that.

In high school, I went to Germany for a week with a school group. We went to a place called HofBrauHaus in Munich. There is actually one in Newport KY just 1.5 hours north of us. I have wanted to take a weekend trip there and enjoy some liters of beer and their OktoberFest atmosphere. So we hopefully will do that this year.

Fall is my favorite time of the year, it will be great, and I am so thankful for my sweet husband Joseph through all of this. He truly is amazing, and I am so thankful for him.

Taking my mind off things…

I met Joseph for lunch so I wouldn’t be wallowing in depression. We discussed how being hopeful isn’t going to make this any easier. After lunch I took myself to a movie. I went to see the Percy Jackson Sea of Monsters. I bought myself popcorn and a coke and just let myself not think. Driving over to the movie I called my ob and informed her that my bleeding was now flowish, and I was passing tissue. And my informed her I mean left a message(I have mentioned my ob’s office is a birthing machine and really large and too big for the britches? I actually don’t think I have yet, but it is.) While I was in the movie they called back and left 2 messages asking me to call them. I called them back they want me to come in for another ultrasound tomorrow at 7:15, then a quant, then I’ll see the nurse practitioner. But maybe not until 9:30. I called Joseph and told him I was going back in, but he didn’t have to come, we both know the outcome, so no need for him to miss work again.

What I’m hoping for tomorrow:

-My miscarriage will be no big thing, as in piece of cake and quick.

-I won’t have to wait a cycle before trying again.

-We can talk about what this means for clomid(Apparently taking clomid cd2-6 has a higher chance for miscarriage, well I took it cd 5-9, but clearly this wasn’t a successful pregnancy, probably poor egg quality if I had to guess. So what can we do to increase egg quality? Up clomid? Try something else?)

Hyperventilating

Is what I’m really good at right now. Joseph texted me “How are you holding up?” I just replied “I’m crying…a lot.” I don’t really know what to do. If I’m being honest, there are times that I really feel crampy. Then there are times that make me think I’m blowing this out of proportion, and I don’t feel any different.

I think I’m seeing everything through miscarriage colored glasses. My sister needs a ride to work, I am capable to taking her, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to hold it together emotionally.

Maybe Miscarriage

Yesterday afternoon I had a debilitating headache. Icing and napping did nothing for it. Joseph game me a neck rub last night which helped a lot, enough to where I could actually lay down and go to sleep. This morning however, I woke up to more blood. We’re not talking a flow or anything, but still blood isn’t good. And I’m starting to have period cramps. I’ve been googling miscarriages and they say intense cramps, I don’t have those yet, just period cramps. But I think intense cramp will be here soon. And then more intense bleeding. At the doctor yesterday the nurse practitioner told me to call her if the bleeding increases, I started passing clots or it becomes period like, or if I start cramping. But I don’t know if she’s talking about period cramps or intense cramps. I’ll probably wait a bit and see what happens. I’ve already had several good cries this morning, Joseph was hesitant to leave but he missed like three hours yesterday so he feels a bit behind.

A good part of me is devastated. This baby, which we have prayed for, cried for, and tried for, for the last fourteen months, the baby which we rejoiced for over the last 12 days, we will never get to meet.

Another part of me just wants this over with. If this baby isn’t going to make it, lets go on and get this thing rolling so Joseph and I can move forward with starting our family.

Yet another part of me is in denial. A lot of women have bleeding/spotting in early pregnancy. Cramps just mean my uterus is growing. This baby is going to be.

And the last part of me is thinking, Victoria, you suck at making babies, and now you suck at carrying them…Way to go.

In reality I have no clue what is going on with my body, but I’m fairly certain this isn’t going to end happily on or around April 19th.

blood…follow up

I called my doctors office and spoke to an aide. She took my information and what was going wrong. She said she would give the nurse practitioner the info and call me back. While waiting for her to call me back I went to the bathroom again and wiped and it was red. blood red. Before when I saw blood, it was bloody cervical fluid. This time was like holy cow I’m bleeding blood. I called Joseph crying, and we decided I should call the doctor back. So I was on hold with my doctors office when they called back. I flipped over and she said the nurse practitioner said to monitor it, if the bleeding changes or I get crampy call again. I then explained the blood was now bleeding, and she asked us to come in at 10:30 for an ultrasound. This was at 9:20. She also told me I needed a full bladder. Well I had spent the last 3 and a half hours peeing every 20 minutes and checking for blood. So I hung up, called Joseph, who said he’d like to come with, so I told him I’d pick him up on my way, but I was going to shower and drink like 8 million cups of water. So I did that, drank 2 cups of water, filled up my cup and left. Drank my cup on the way to pick up Joseph, and so I called Joseph and I asked him to bring me out a bottle of water. So, I got there, Joseph came out, and we decided he would drive. I had contained my emotions pretty well on the way there, but seeing Joseph just brought all those emotion to the forefront. We both were pretty emotional on the ride there, both blaming ourselves, but ultimately knowing neither of us did anything wrong. We got to the doctor and were sitting the waiting room, I really had to pee, and we filled out our forms. We were called back to the ultrasound waiting room. Where we waited just  few more minutes before the tech called me back and told me to empty my bladder so I did then went back in. I got ready for the ultrasound and she came in and did it. She looked around and said I ovulated on my right side, but she couldn’t see anything to confirm pregnancy. She said she *thought* she saw a gestational sac, but it was too small. So we were done in there, we went back to the main waiting room. Then I was called back by the aide to get my vitals, then taken to another waiting room, to wait to see the nurse practitioner. We were finally called back and she said that because of the size of the baby they aren’t able to confirm viability, but it wasn’t abnormally small like the tech led us to believe. The bottom line is, how far along I am, the baby is too small to confirm on an ultrasound. Which we knew. But that isn’t any reason to assume it isn’t viable. She also had me do a HGC hormone draw today, and I’ll go in wed an get another. They want me to go back in a week and do another ultra sound. I am also on pelvic rest for a week. Praying so hard for this baby!

Blood…

Blood is something every pregnant woman is fearful of. I can tell you every time I have gone to the bathroom since seeing that second line, I have checked the toilet paper for blood. Well, this morning, there it was. I woke up at 5:48 bc I had to pee. Got out of bed, went to the bathroom, wiped and saw light bright red blood. I hollered for Joseph, he came to look. I wiped four more times before I wasn’t wiping blood anymore. We immediately prayed then I got to googling. From what I can gather, going to the er won’t really do us any good, I’m too early(5w2d) for an ultrasound to be conclusive, because the heart isn’t beating yet. So they’ll probably just run an hcg blood test, do an inconclusive ultrasound where we would be able to see the sac, but no baby( he’s only the size of a sesame seed!) and then be told we’ll just have to wait and see. So instead of spending all sorts of money for an unnecessary ultrasound and er visit, Joseph is going to work, I am waiting until my doctors office opens at eight, then calling. Meanwhile I’ll be going pee every thirty minutes or so to check for more blood.