Category Archives: Calvin

Where has all the time gone?

I know I still have plenty of time. But if we’re counting, I only have 10 weekends left, two of which are shower, so I’m down to 8. Two of which are holidays, so that leaves me six. I’d like to go on a mini “baby moon” to Ikea and stay in a hotel that has an indoor pool and be weightless. so maybe only 5….YIKES! I’m 29 weeks 1 day, here’s my bump from yesterday.WP_20141018_004

 

I get really paranoid about my bump. I just feel self conscience a little bit I think. Its silly, I know. But I think it goes back to infertility and loss. I just kinda panic and think my belly is too big, or my belly is too little, and that something is wrong. I dreamt I woke up bleeding the other day. I think as the time winds down, I’m letting these evil thoughts of doom creep in, thinking surely this isn’t going to end well. It’s a spiritual battle to be thankful for every day I have with Calvin, and to know that God’s will will prevail, and it will all be for His glory.

Yesterday we worked our butt off, and cleaned out Calvin’s room, including the closet. I involved moving my sewing machines and desk into the living room, and unhoarding fabric. I threw away bags and boxes of stuff I haven’t looked at in years, and I didn’t look at it before I threw it out, because I knew I’d try to keep some. WP_20141019_004WP_20141019_005

We also bought this poster to go above his crib(I think.) Calvin and Hobbes Poster print wall art 10 parts giant huge HH10887 S23

Also, my weekly email said to start packing our hospital bags and leave them by the door incase he comes early. This has caused me to panic a bit more. But it did force me to embroider Calvin’s diaper bag so I can start packing it.

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This week my only goal is to keep my house clean. My sisters are throwing me a shower at my house next weekend, and we did a really good job yesterday cleaning it, so that is my only goal.

We have officially decided to formula feed from birth. It’ll be best for our family and lives right now. So I need to research formulas, I think I want to use the tommee tippee bottles, but I know Calvin could decide something different. I am fairly certain we’re either going to use Up & Up brand formula or Sams club.

Have any of you ladies formula fed right from birth? What can I expect in terms of milk coming in and drying up?

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26 weeks and cramping

We are 26 weeks today. I talked to Joseph last night about how I never imagined we would make it this far. That seems super negative, but infertility, miscarriage, two subchorionic hemorrhages, and this crazy rare cervical issue. I have bled like crazy this pregnancy, and that messes with your head. There have been so many days i knew it was over. But here I am 26 weeks along, and unbelievably thankful. God has been watching over us this whole time, and it is evident. There is no way we’d be where we are today, if his hand of protection wasn’t covering us. Everytime the enemy has tried to take our baby away, my Lord has shut him down.

26 weeks, and 13+3 to go. Calvin is unbelievably loved and prayed for by so many. He’s getting so big, and because of that I’m experiencing Braxton hicks contractions, and cramping regularly. But he’ll be worth it.

p.s. Writing this in a bw3s waiting for a to go order and sobbing out of gratitude.

Diaper bag

I’m a pretty low key kinda person. When I registered at buy buy baby, they told me to register for a diaper bag for myself and Joseph. Joseph isn’t going to carry a diaper bag. He doesn’t care that much about it, and he’ll just haul mine around if he needs one. Anywho, I started thinking about what I wanted in a diaper bag.

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This is the one I just purchased from Lands End. I didn’t get it embroidered bc I can DIY it with whatever we decided. It was $34.50, but today there was a 30% off one item, so It came to around $24. I figure it’s inexpensive enough that I could buy one for every kid. So I very well may embroider it with “Calvin.” I think it has four inside pocket, and the outside one. I am planning on water proofing it when I get it, I’m not sure how yet, but I’m excited to get it! yay!

What’s up in our world

Nesting. I still haven’t gotten the pictures from our shower, but it has definitely sparked my desire to nest. Currently all of Calvin’s stuff is piled up in our Kiddo room,WP_20140921_009 while Calvin’s room is full of our crap.

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So in order to get the kiddo room cleared out, we need to get Calvin’s room cleared out. Which means we have to find a place to put Joseph’s computers and desk, and my sewing machines and desk.

Originally we thought we’d put the computers in our room. But before we could do that, I wanted to pain out room. It used to be purple.WP_20140920_001

We finished painting it today. It is now a light robins egg blue.WP_20140921_008

It isn’t put back together or anything. We are hoping to get some adult furniture. And I’m going to do new curtains. And get new bedding. But these are minor details. I think I love it. It is so much lighter and brighter.

So nesting is in full swing.

We’re 25 weeks 1 day today. Next big milestone is 20 days away. At 28 weeks Calvin’s brain is done developing, so if born early, we’d just be dealing with lung issues.WP_20140921_001

Um, and my stomach is huge.

Viability!!!

I can’t tell you all how relieved I am to have made it viability. 24 weeks was the big goal. I know that sounds silly, but now my kid has a fighting chance. Today was wonderful, we had our first baby shower. It was a family shower with our old church small group, and our new church small group. In terms of showers, it wasn’t much of one, and it was perfect. It was just like a wonderful BBQ, we had perfect weather, and just hung out. There was cornhole, football game on the tv, and catching up with great friends. Kids were running wild, babies were double fisting cake pops, and Joseph, Calvin and I were loved exquisitely.

in terms of growth, I’m officially up four pounds from prepregnancy weight. We had another extensive u/s Thursday, Calvin’s femur is still measuring about a week behind, but my ob isn’t concerned. Everything else is measuring pretty much dead on, except for his big ole belly measuring about a week ahead. I’ll take a chunky baby. I’ll post our baby shower pics when we get them from our friend, but I have the greatest friends. Here’s a belly shot for this week. Keep on growing sweet boy!

OB update

Yesterday I met with my OB. She checked the heart rate, in the 140s(my boy is consistent, I don’t think we’ve ever had anything different since around 13 weeks.) She asked how the bleeding was, and then said we’d decided the mode of delivery at 35 weeks. I told her honestly, a vaginal delivery, given all my craziness, makes me nervous. She said that she understands, and in my position, she would be nervous as well. She then said, if I wanted to do a c-section and just avoid the crazy cervix altogether, she was perfectly fine with that. So that is what we’re doing. She’s going to talk to Dr. W our MFM, because if we do a c-section, she would prefer to leave the cerclage in until 6 weeks post partum to let the cervical swelling and craziness from pregnancy go down. So I have the latest date possible Calvin will be here. December 30th sounds like a great day to have a baby doesn’t it?

I know that I will likely get some flack for this decision, but those people haven’t experienced the bleeding and fear that Joseph and I have. And letting my cervix dialate and efface makes us nervous, then to push a baby through the cervix…it just seems safest for us to avoid the cervix altogether. In fact, my OB said she’s not doing any more speculum exams, she’s going to send me to Dr. W for them. She admitted that when she attempted the colposcopy and I started bleeding, she didn’t know if she would be able to stop it. So she understands the issues and is fully supportive. She also informed me that I am a case study and Dr. W and Dr. M are writing it up. I am so thankful she passed me on to them when she did. And I am thankful as of now, she will be delivering Calvin. If I go early, it could absolutely be a different doctor from the practice, but for now it’s Dr. T. On December 30th 2014, at 12 noon!

Calvin Pic

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So we have our follow up appt with the MFM today, and they got some good picture of our little guy. He does this every ultrasound, he take one of his hands, and he’ll cup the opposite side of his face. Joseph and I both tried it, it’s pretty not comfortable. But whatever. This boy is super.

I didn’t mention it because I don’t know anything, but at our fetal heart echo and our anatomy scan, the tech saw a shortened femur(everything else measured on target or a head, but his femur was about a week or so behing), along with echo showing several echogenic foci(4 maybe), and a sandal gap toe. I knew something was up when she went back to measure the femur a after finishing all the other measurements. So I googled. A Shortened femur and echogenic foci are two “medium” markers for down syndrome, the sandal gap toe is a soft marker. This scan was almost 4 weeks ago, and because of my surgery I had to cancel our appt where we were going to get the results. Today they measured the femur again, it is measuring about a week behind. I’m not super worried, but I am aware.

At my age, the chances are roughly 1 in 1250. An Joseph has short legs, and a toe gap. So honestly, I’m thinking he just has his daddy’s legs. But I am aware.

I just want to buy.

Joseph and I live pretty frugal…Kinda.

I drive my very first car ever, a periwinkle 1995 plymouth neon with 200000+ miles on it. It looks similar to this picture, except this picture has a clear coat, mine doesn’t, so it looks dusty or chalky at all time. It was bought for me by my parents in 2005 for $1200.

(picture from the internet cargurus.com).

Joseph drives a 2000 mazda 626. It has around 120000 miles on it. It was bought for him by his parents in 2010.

We are using couches that a friends of Joseph’s parents were getting rid of when we were getting married. I think they’re about as old as we are.

We did buy a 45” flat screen TV in 2012 (I think for $500), but before hand we were using a hand me down CRT tv that weighed about 800 lbs.

We purchased a kitchen table when we bought this house. It is a glorious table, and we love it. It is like 96 inches with a leaf that makes it 120. So it can seat all of my family comfortably. We bought it from basset furniture on clearance for around $450. We didn’t have chairs for it for the longest time, but eventually I found a matching set of chairs we tolerate at a thrift store for $8/ piece. I think there were 12, but all of chairs for under $100. They don’t match the table(which is a darker oak, the chairs are cherry) and I hate the upholstery(I’ve tried refinishing them, they’re harder than you think because the back is all upholstered, but set in. like this, but with uglier colors.

(photo credit blockersfurniture.com)

When we got married, we bough a king size mattress and box springs from a warehouse store and paid about $600 for it.

Other than that we have all handme down, or homemade furniture. I made Joseph and I matching desks for his computer and my crafting areas for Christmas. Total it was probably $175 ish for materials. Not including the hard labor my dad and myself did.

The point is, I want to buy things. I shouldn’t. I should be content. But currently our dresser is a crappy laminate dress Joseph brought with him into our marriage. We painted it and upholstered the drawers, but it is old. We had mismatched laminate bedside tables which we also painted. So they matched but they aren’t nice.

We talked about buying Calvin a dresser and Joseph said that he doesn’t think our infant son should have a nicer dresser and bedroom suite than we do. I think it was mainly a joke, but at the same time it’s completely true.

So, I just want to buy. I want to quit being responsible, and replenishing our 6 month emergency fund(we dipped into to pay for my ER visit) even though we’re like $200 away. I want to put our upcoming medical bills on a payment plan instead of paying in full. And I want to buy furniture. I want to buy clothes for Calvin(that he won’t need for a long while.) I want to have a house that looks like it is furnished by two adults, not to 21 year old newly weds who appreciate hand me downs. I want to finish my basement before the summer. I want to buy a new(to me) family car(have we talked about this? I want a mini van. I’m an old 26Winking smile.) I want to get hardwood floors in my house. I want to repaint our master bedroom. I want I want I want.

I should be content. I should be thankful. I should be grateful. I should be preparing for the uncertainty of Calvin’s arrival. But every now and then, a girl just wants to spend.

I somewhat seriously joked to my mom, I bought a set of four onesies from Carters, along with a two pairs of pants that matched all four onesies. their size 0-3 months. I said to her that all we need are a couple sleep and plays(or body suits or footed sleepers) and we’d be good til March. And as kidding as I was, I was mostly serious. This boy doesn’t need a million little outfits.

Any who, this was whiney, and complainy, and materialistic. But I just want to buy.

23 weeks and having a irritable day

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I’m 23 weeks, and feeling pretty awesome. Calvin hates me sleeping on my stomach, or resting my laptop on my stomach, but other than that, I couldn’t be happier. As far as weight, I vary so much. Some days I’m prepregnancy, some days I’m +5. It swings big time. So who really knows.

My bleeding is about a medium period flow for me. I have my followup with my MFM on Thursday morning, and then an appt with my regular ob on Friday around lunch. Then we have our first shower on Saturday. It’s a couples showers with our current small group, and our old small group. So it should be a lot of fun.

 

Joseph got me Sims 4 to kill time this week. And check out the creepy baby we made in Sims. So with any luck, Calvin will look super similar.WP_20140903_002

In other news, I’m going be an aunt again…maybe.

Here me out, I know I am super knocked up, and that some women aren’t, but I just don’t think I will ever get over the “I worked my butt off, paid thousands of dollars to specialist, and put myself through all sorts of drugs and hormones to get Calvin” bitterness. I know, maybe I don’t have the right to do that, but the bottom line is, we have unexplained infertility. Our next baby, could never happen. Does that make sense? While I am so overwhelmingly grateful for Calvin, I kind of feel like I “earned”, and it makes me mad when other people just happen upon it. I know, I shouldn’t feel that way, but I do.

Anywho, my brother met a girl online who live in Cambodia. He went there to meet her in July and stayed for 3 weeks got engaged to her, whatever do what you do.. So this morning, I get a text saying he “has big news, and I need to be over there by 10am.” I was asleep, so I didn’t make it. He said he’d text me afterwards, but I already knew. She’s knocked up. Turns out I was right.

But here’s the kicker. In Cambodia, if her village found out she was dating just dating people wouldn’t send their children to her parents for school. The whole time my brother was there, she was trying to hide what she was doing, because she would be ostracized if people knew. So now, she’s just going to be unwed and flaunt a bump and think things are ok? Doesn’t seem to make sense to me. The old plan was for my brother to go over there next summer, do the Cambodian wedding thing(not legal here in the US, but would be ok for her family) then the next summer 2016, she would come over here and they’d get hitched. Its really complicated and expensive to get her over here. And my brother is going back to school to finish his degree, and it’ll take him those two years. But now, he’s going to have a Cambodian baby in May?

I keep questioning or maybeing because its kinda like seriously? And I don’t mean like I’m in disbelief. I mean there are reasons I’m finding it HARD to believe. First of all, his last week there, she was on her period(which was two weeks ago.) Second of all, they both understand, I believe, that part of her goal is to get here, to the US, now they may be in love and blah blah blah, whateve,r to each their own, but if she is pregnant with my niece/nephew, you better believe we(as a family) are going to be pressuring brother and working our butt’s off to get her here sooner than summer 2016. Ideally it would be before she gives birth.

Maybe I’m being a cynic. Maybe I’m being bitter. But I brought this up to my brother before he went, because she kept saying things like “where’s my ring?” and stuff. So I told him, it sounds like she’s got her own timeline, and it might not be aligned with yours.

Also, who does that? Apparently both my brothers. They meet a chick, bone and chick, and impregnate a chick. With no thought to what it really means. Joseph said “do you think they had unprotected sex?” and I said “Absolutely” and he just couldn’t believe it. Who does that? I know families are started all sorts of ways, but I’m being judgey.

Milk of Magnesia

So I’ve had one successful BM since surgery. I know that general anesthesia can back up the whole process, and I’m nervous to bear down. So I took 2 tbs of milk of magnesia. Dr.W said I could do that to keep things easy with minimal straining. So we shall see. Anybody have experience with Milk of Magnesia?