Everyone knows of the 5 stages of grief.
I feel like I go through these emotions on a daily basis. But overall I would say I just transitioned into the anger phase. I’ve been so hopeful it would happen for us, ya know denial. But now I am just angry.
I am angry that we aren’t holding a 9 month old in our hands(ya know, because that is what we planned for.) I am angry that we didn’t find out the gender of our baby this past Tuesday, because that is when we would have had we not lost him. I’m angry that we don’t have great infertility coverage. I am angry that we need infertility coverage in the first place. I am angry that people get pregnant like its not big deal. I am angry that people, who know we are struggling with infertility, haven’t done any basic googling about how to interact with infertiles. I am angry that nobody in our families can understand. I am angry that in 5 weeks I’m going to be a aunt for the first time on my side of the family. I am angry that my life plan isn’t going to happen. I am angry because adoption cost so much. I am angry that foster care has so many variables. I am angry that my RE wouldn’t see me yesterday. I am angry when people tell me “it’ll happen” or “you’re next.” I am angry that all of this makes me angry.