Category Archives: Foster Care

two kids is hard.

happt mothers day to all. I know it hard to hear if your in the midst of infertility, someone complain about two kids, but its hard.

its hard BC its exhausting, obviously. But I feel an immense amount of guilt over Peanut. We are, with 99% confidence, going to adopt Peanut. And right now I’m all about fake it til you make it. We had always talked about adopting from foster care, and I’d told Joe that by the time that subject was even broached, we would have had months and months of bonding. But it seems that way, and has seemed that way from day 1. And we haven’t had that bonding. Then throw in that Peanut is a newborn baby blob(just like he’s supposed to be) it makes it more difficult. So right now, we love on him, tell him that we love him, kiss, him, cuddle him, hug him, sing to him songs saying “momma loves you, daddy loves you” BC I know we will someday. But right now we’re going through the motions. It’ll get easier as we have more time, and as he becomes more interactive.

some mommas birth babies and don’t feel and immediate connection right?

but I feel guilty, that there wasn’t some instant love. I care deeply for him, and don’t want anything bad to happen, and would love for him to be ours forever, but right now, we’re still getting to know him, and adjust to our new familial norm.

nicu nurses are the greatest.

peanut was born 4/10 and spent 12 days in the nicu for a variety of reasons. We brought home a 12 day old who eats 3-4 ounces(fortified to 24 cal) every four hours. When we sent sweet pea home, she was taking 1-2 oz every 2 hours. We feel like we’re in a area last night we bot got 9 hours of sleep(in 3 hour increments.) hot dog that feels incredible.peanut has some oral thrush that’s quite persistent, so we’re going to the ped tomorrow and hopefully getting an rx for it. And checking his weight.

given birth moms history, everyone feels like this could be long term – forever. Calvin is so sweet and much better than he was with sweetpea(the last two months hes matured quite a bit.) I’m cautiously hopeful that peanut and Calvin will grow up together as brothers, and the thought makes me so happy. Obviously with fostering, the goal is reunification, so we know that’s the goal, but at this point, it doesn’t seem likely.

Bleeding cervix

Just thought I’d pop in and give you an update. Oh crap, I need to take a bump pic today as well.

Any who, I am 21 weeks pregnant with sweet baby boy Calvin. My cervix is still bleeding. I had two days of just brownish to normal cervical mucuous, but then (TMI) I had a BM and started gushing blood. It in two days, in time for another BM(this morning) where I started gushing blood again.

This leads me to believe that if bearing down to pass a normal non constipated poop causes this much bleeding, bearing down to push a Calvin sized baby out of my cervix is not a good idea either.

Our small groups knows about the bleeding, as do both sets of parents. But the new bleeding is exacerbated by bearing down, I haven’t shared with any of them. Yesterday, I visited my parents house like I do almost every Friday afternoon(my dad has half days, and my younger brother isn’t working, so at that visit I can see 5/8 family members, which is pretty good) and told him about Dr.T and her wanting us to consider having a csection. He informed me if she was persistent, I could go to another doctor. I just said that we’re absolutely considering it and if its what we need to do to keep everyone safe, that’s what we’ll do. I imagine if I had informed him of the cervix explodes when I bear down, he’d understand more, but its weird to talk to your dad about your bleeding cervix. Lol.

Joseph felt Calvin move this week for sure, we think he felt him last week, but it was only once, this week he’s felt him several times. Calvin actually woke me up this morning, well Calvin moving and my extreme hunger.

Also at my parents house on Friday my dad said they’re going to have to figure out a new family dinner arrangement. Currently we have big family dinners at least every holiday and whenever my little sister comes in town from college. There are 7 original family members, three significant others, our neighbor, my sweet niece Charlie, and soon to be Calvin. But my dad was saying, it was crammed with the 8(7 original + Joseph) since then we’ve added a folding card table on the end of the long table to accommodate the rest, but Charlie’s now sitting at the table in high chair, and any moment we could have a foster child or two. So they’re figuring out a new set up. It was really nice to include our potential foster kiddos and Calvin. I think us having our little miss, ever if it was just for 48 hours, just kind of put it into perspective in terms of the fact that things happen fast.

Last night I felt huge. I wasn’t huge, I was super full(we ate Qdoba!) and bloated. And I feel like Calvin is growing so much that I’m growing and hurting a bit.

All in all, I am so incredibly thankful for my sweet boy.

I am so looking forward to reading all of your posts. I know several of you are in IVF cycles, and I am praying so hard this is it for you!.


This morning at 1:30 am I received a call, I had just fallen asleep(who knew barqs rootbeer had caffeine? Not me!) It was a number I didn’t recognize, and I fumbled my phone and missed the call. Oh well, but then they left a voicemail. Voicemails left at wee morning hours cause me to panic. Compounding the panic, Joseph’s phone began to ring. I told him “You need to answer that, something is wrong.” He answered it, and it was the placing worker for our county. They had two girls (4 and 3 months) who needed an emergency placement. Would we take them. Joseph and I managed to ask most of the questions we’re supposed to ask (medications, allergies, reason for removal, any other sibilings, issues with being exposed to Christianity, etc.) and asked if we could call her back in five minutes with out decision.

We have discussed what we are comfortable, and I knew 4 years old was pushing it for Joseph. Also the 4 year old is in preschool, which poses some coordinating issues for us currently. But the biggest issue is the no heavy lifting or strenuous activity that is my current  activity level. Ultimately we passed, and I know that was the best thing for us.

It was nice to get a call, and hopefully we’ll get many more. And we’ll be placed with the exact children God needs us to love and care for.

That being said, I didn’t fall back asleep until 4:00, and slept terribly until about 8:30.

Home Visit

Something happened to my original post, and it went away. But here is the gist.

We had a home visit today. It took all of 20 minutes. I am super excited to get placements. We found out we’re the only open house in our school district, so if any child is removed from the school district we’ll be called first.

As far as how fostering is going to change when baby gets here, we probably won’t accept any new placements from December until about March. So if we get a new placement late November, we’ll have about a month to get acclimated to eachother before baby make it’s appearance. Then we’ll get acclimated to baby and kiddos together, and reopen in March. This is just what I’m thinking. I don’t want to have a brand new placement, and a brand new baby all within a super short period, too much change for everyone involved.

Bring on some kiddos!

I’m here.

I’m still here and still pregnant. I am still reading all of your blogs regularly. I am just in a weird place right now I guess. But oh well, I just need to get over it. I am 10w3d pregnant, which may seem confusing if any of you have been following my dates closely. We did the IUI on April 13th, which was 15dpo, so even though we vary likely know when conception took place, my OB still goes by the lmp date, so my weeks now change over on Saturday, and my due date is January 3rd.

I’m feeling unhungry most of the day, and with that unhungriness comes queasiness. It is tolerable, and will totally be worth it.

I took the job at school number 1 I discussed in job offer quandry. So that is something I’m looking forward to.

We have lots planned this summer so Joseph and I can live it up before growing our family. We’re going canoeing, on my birthday/day after we’re going to Holiday world(where you get in discounted if you have a note from your dr saying your pregnant.) We’re going to hang out with my younger sister for a weekend around a lake. We’re going to Joseph’s brothers lake house for a long weekend. We are just trying to have as much fun as possible.

Foster care. Just an update, we are still all in for fostering two kiddos. Our room is set up, and we’re ready, we are just on their timeline. So while it could happen any day, we are still waiting for our workers supervisor to read our homestudy, and ask for revisions. Then our worker will make those revisions, and submit it to her supervisors supervisor, who will then read it and approve it on their own time line. The reason it could happen any day, is if there is a need in our county, that nobody else can take, they can speed up the approval process to get us open and ready before going to another county.

I think I’m in a weird place because I have so much time, and I just want to be making things for our baby. Yesterday I knitted  a pair of booties for the baby. But I’m still so early, and we don’t know the gender, it’s hard to make things.

Today I did spend about three hours reading about cloth diapering. Joseph thinks it is gross, but agreed to consider it. The only reason I like the idea is that I sew. I’m a pretty good sewer. I can sew us all the diapers we would need for at least under $100, probably more like under $50, if I could just buy everything at once. The estimate is that your starter stash(meaning enough to get you started, not all of them that you will ever need) is somewhere between $250-300. So all the financial reasons that cloth diapers are good for people buying premade cloth diapers are increased for us, if we were to make our own. Who knows, ultimately, as bas as it sounds, I’m doing it for cost savings. The green factor is just an added bonus.

So here is a jumbled update of everything.

Sick hubby

My hubby is sick. Does anyone else just hate it when their husband is sick? I hate it more than I hate being sick.

Tomorrow we have our second beta draw. My RE should call us with the results and hopefully discuss the plan of action for her(including ultrasounds!)

My younger sister has been wanting to throw us a celebratory party for fostering, and she called today. I said “Let’s just talk about it when you’re in town for mothers Day.” I think that is our intended tell the family day.

We have our really good friends A&R know. My sweet friend K knows. And then E&J know because they’re the ones I work for, they knew about the IUI, so she asked and I gladly told her. The only reason we are waiting until Mother’s Day weekend is because my younger sister is away at college, and I don’t want her feelings to be hurt if she isn’t there. She probably wouldn’t care, but this way its easier to just keep the peace. Ideally, I’d like to have an ultrasound before mother’s day weekend, but I’ll only be like 5week and 5 days, so I think she’ll want to wait until the next week.

Today I’m feeling just a bit bloated. Its unreal still. Joseph and I have been silly and optimistically dreaming about the gender. He says boy, I said boy at first, but now I’m going with girl. Talk about counting your chickens before the hatch. But its easier to treat it like everything will be ok. And I don’t want to distance myself from my baby. I love this baby, and always will. If this baby joins our other child in heaven before we meet, then I want to enjoy every day I have with her.(<because I think we’re having a girl.)

You can check out my PeeSticks! page for the latest peestick. I have two more FRER(which will get me til 14dpo.) I may go and buy some more, but I also want a clear blue digi with week estimator. So who knows.

Check it!

So we are respite approved, we are still waiting our homestudy to finish, but on Wednesday we’re doing respite for our friends (not overnight, but from like 7a-10/11p.) And we have a playground in our neighborhood that I thought it’d be fun to take the boys to. But we didn’t have stroller. And little boy is too tiny for a stroller alone, he’d need his infant carrier, and blah blah blah logistics. So I made a mei tai. Using this tutorial. That tutorial is seriously one of the best I have ever followed. I was a bit offended when Joseph told me it took a long time, because I felt like it didn’t. Ususally I get discouraged and frustrated when things take a long time because the reason it is taking so long is most likely me messing things up. So while this took probably about 3 hours, I didn’t make ONE SINGLE MISTAKE, and the end product I love. WP_20140406_002

Here it is all laid out and crazy like, I need to bum a baby off someone to take a picture with it on. But I love it. I was able to use some of the left over fabric I had from the kiddo room, and I love it. So I now have a way to transport little boy.

For big boy, I wanted to get an umbrella stroller. Something cheap honestly. So at Kroger they had some umbrella strollers on close out, for like ten bucks. and so we bought it. It was pink, and flowery, and ugly. So I decided I’d recover it. I didn’t take a before pic, but here is the fabricWP_20140406_003

Nice and blurry picture. You’re welcome. So I recovered itWP_20140406_001

And I love it! I am actually in the process of making a diaper bag from this fabric, but I also plan on making a umbrella stroller bag to hang on the back, and it’d be really awesome if I could figure out how to make some sort of cup holder/phone holder/ key holder console thing. Who knows.

Also, our friend E called and said this older couple in her county just got a 23 mo boy and an 8 mo girl. And they are already questioning why they said yes. So she gave them our name and number and told them to use us for respite. They haven’t called, but I think the idea here was, if you are going to disrupt, use someone for respite who could take the kiddos so it is less of an upheaval.

Who knows. Follicle scan Tuesday Morning.