So my sweet friend K reinforced that deleting my facebook was the greatest idea I’ve ever had. Apparently on facebook the new trend is to do “10 things about my pregnancy.” I don’t have a facebook, but I so want to reactivate just to do my list.
1. I am pretty much comfortable with anyone wearing scrubs to stick a phallic shaped camera up my nay-nay(Joseph would be cringing at my reference of my lady bidnis as a nay-nay) if I think it could help with getting pregnant.
2. My sex life is plentiful. Seriously. I kind of take pride in Joseph and I’s relations. Our quantity and quality of relations a month would, I’m sure, put many of my married friends to shame. And seeking medical help has only improved it. Infertility has really helped our intimacy. The sheer frequency of coitus required for 18+ months of trying for a baby requires us to keep things spicy. So suck it, my sex life is better than yours, you stupid fertile.
3. My marriage is strong. Infertility sucks. I wouldn’t wish it on my arch enemy. But Joseph and I have opened up, we communicate effectively and efficiently. We are open about our pain, we cry at our losses, and we laugh more than anything.
4. Our miscarriage was the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced. The loss of our beautiful baby after we had prayed so hard for so long is still unbearble. There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t think of him. My sweet oldest child.
5. Lube makes things easier. With the amount of intercourse required, and the fact that it is often on demand, we use lube. Everytime( I honestly don’t remember the last time we haven’t needed it, and I’m amazed at couples who don’t.) We’ve done preseed, but we are currently on Canola Oil. Joseph hates it. He says it turns to sand.
6. The more follicles I have, the higher my libido. I’m at 6 and just want to pounce on Joseph. I suppose we should be taking advantage of this abstaining and partake in other forms of pleasure which we have become less frequent since ttc. (but I’m hoping tomorrow we’ll be greenlighted to go at it like monkeys, and I don’t want to waste his baby juice.)
7. I hold grudges now more than before. When I didn’t know I was infertile, I held grudges. But now that I am infertile, if you are insensitive (and aware of our situation) it will have a lasting affect.
8. 90% of what fertiles say to “comfort” is insensitive. “If we were sister wives, I’d carry your baby for you.” Because you can get pregnant and carry to term and I can’t. Intended to be sweet, but just salt in my wound that is my empty womb.
9. Sometimes when I’m really upset I’ll take a shower. That’s generally ok, until I sit down. I will sit down in a shower and sob convulsively, because my grief and sorrow is so large that’s the only place I can let it go, a scalding hot shower.
10. I would totally try with six follicles. However, my marriage is not an I situation.