Category Archives: Pregnant after infertility

bump…it’s happening.

19 weeks and my bump is bumped. I’m feeling our baby boy move a lot more. And I feel like I may even be able to feel him from the outside. I had Joseph put his hand on my stomach and concentrate, he thinks he may have felt him, but I had a hard time not giggling so who knows. My next appt in in 9 days. I have started work. We had our first full day on Thursday, it was nice. It was the normal length of time, but an hour later. So normally I’ll work 7:30-2:30, but our day went from 8:30-3:30. So I was able to “practice” in terms of length, but have a couple more days before it’ll be 7:30am. Kids come on Thursday. We still haven’t bought anything for this baby yet. My sister’s bought him a sweet outfit, and my older sister knitted him a cocoon. My mom also bought him a little toy. An outlet mall just opened not even five minutes from my house, so that’s actually where we are headed today, in a few minutes. I need some new bras(I bought one at 7 weeks or so because none of mine fit, but I’ve already outgrown it.) And we may buy this little boy some stuff. Who knows. I’ll do a whole post of everything we have for him soon, and announce our name. We’ve had it picked out since before we started trying, then we got pregnant, and Joseph didn’t like the middle name, so we finally decided on it. Our families know, but that’s pretty much it.19weeks19weeksdown

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Baby boy knows his mommy is overbearing

It’s hard not to be, for any mom. We worry about these babies before we know they’re even babies. We do everything within our power to make sure we’ve down everything we can to keep these babies healthy.

Anywho, I’ve been home from the ob for about two hours, laying on the couch, and watching Grey’s Anatomy, and baby boy Michels is moving. Like he’s saying “relax mom! Gosh!” It feels like a zing, or a itty bitty rumble. It’s lower than I thought. But he’ll do it in response to me pushing on him.

All today Joseph just kept saying “I just want to meet him.” and I couldn’t agree more. I just want to meet him. And love on him. And to show him how much he is loved.

Thank you all for the prayers and support today. It’s such a wonderful thing that a quick post like that, I had so many people praying for us and our baby. And we felt the prayers the whole day. Even when we were scared out of our minds, we both were able to step back and realize how thankful we are. We are thankful for the 17 weeks and 4 days we have had with this baby boy so far, and we are hopeful for many more. But so thankful for this precious life. Who’s growing and moving, and probably already annoyed at his mommy for being so worried.

No One Higher

Today at church, I was a mixed bag of crazy pregnant hormonal emotions. During worship, they played No One Higher

Which is a great worship song. About half way through I started crying. Like tears rolling down my face. Because our baby has ears and can hear, and you know what our baby heard today? Thousands of people pouring their heart out in worship. Including his mommy and daddy. And I couldn’t contain myself, I was so overwhelmed with the idea of Joseph and I raising our baby boy, to worship unashamedly. Belt out praise to his Lord and Savior. And it’s starting now.

He who has ears to hear, let him hear.

Matthew 11:15

And my baby has ears!

Then the sermon series that finished up today was titles Fake ID. It was about how we often identify ourselves with worldly attributes. When we should be identify ourselves in Christ. Any who, our pastor started out discussing Nominative Determinism. Which according to wikipedia (ya know, super reliable source) Nominative determinism (ND) is the theory that a person’s name can have a significant role in determining key aspects of job, profession or even character.

To a mother worrying about the name we have picked out, hearing this made me panic. The meaning of the name we are about 95% sure on is (with first and middle) Bald Prosperous Ruler. So I’m panicking. Names are hard. But then I realized, the whole point of the series is to not let anyone or thing define you outside of Christ. So my hope is that our sons name, despite the literal meaning, will come to represent so much more than Bald Prosperous Ruler.

We have been praying for this baby since before it was a reality. Before medical intervention. Before we even began trying. But I was praying FOR this baby. “Father God, give us a child we can raise to love and serve you.” This has been my prayer for years. Now it’d morphed into a more extensive prayer“Father God, help Joseph and I raise this child to be Your child. To not live for this world. To know, and love, and serve, and disciple in Your name.” And is it weird that I’m already praying for his future wife and his future children. I am.

Breast Pump

I know I have posted about being confused about breast feeding or bottle feeding. But several people had told me to call insurance to see if they covered a breast pump. For some reason I was very hesitant to call, thinking there was no way they would. Well, they do. at 100%. An electric double pump, I just need to get my ob to write a prescription for one. I have two choices, Medal in style personal advanced, or Ameda purely yours. Neither are the one that I thought I wanted, but free is better than $400. This made me super happy, and relieved. Because we also got our “ob budget” this week. How come every other health care situation, they bill insurance first, and then us? But the ob wants us to pay in advanced for our delivery? And my due date is 2015, so naturally the number was much larger than I had wanted it to be. I called my insurance and they were like “you need to have that baby 4-5 days early.” I know! ugh!

Any who, 15 weeks today. I don’t really feel much different. I really don’t have a bump, people say they see bumps, but I promise you, that is just chub I had before. I guess at the end of the day, I probably have one. I’m still –6 pounds. So who knows. This week I have started to be able to feel my uterus all the time(it use to be just when I was laying on my belly.) We find out the gender in 12 days!!! Eeeek! I can hardly wait. I think it’s a girl. Joseph thinks it is a girl. We have our girl name(first and middel) picked out, but recently I threw out another option for the “nickname” of her. Joseph isn’t sold. I really like our initial nickname, but I also really like the new one. Who knows. We have our boy first name picked out. I think we may have a middle name, but just because I like it, and Joseph would settle. Either way, we are so overwhelming grateful for this little(maybe as big as 4.5 inches long) life growing inside of me.

Gender Scan and ramblings.

So I really did start another blog. I think I’m going to delete it. I love you ladies too much to just leave. So who knows.

Our gender scan is booked July 24. I can hardly wait. This morning I woke up with the overwhelming feeling that we’re having a sweet baby girl. Like can’t wipe the smile off my face feeling. I don’t know why. I have honestly had two baby dreams, one it was a boy, one it was a girl. I honestly have no preference, but the girl feeling is strong. July 24th can’t come soon enough. 19 days left. AND five of those we’re going to the lake for vacation. The five right before the appointment July 18- 23rd. So that will be nice to help it pass.

Other things, I’m excited to start showing. I think I am getting bigger, but it isn’t a bump yet. Today I am 14 weeks, and it seems like it is flying. My sweet friend sent me a link to this blog in an email. Definitely a necessary read for me right now. I’m excited to start sewing clothes for my cute bump(or not so cute, that’s be fine too.)

I’m also trying to embrace the change. The change to my body. I would say for the most part I am a typical female when it come to body image. Obviously I’d always like to be a size 4, but I’m not, and I’m ok with it. I’ve yoyoed a bit weight wise since I’ve been married. Getting married at pre college weight. Then fall 2012 I was up 23 pounds from that. I had settled into a nice +10 from wedding weight. I felt confident and comfortable in my skin. Since getting pregnant, I’m down 6-8. Which is fine, but I know the weight gain is going to come, and with it stretch marks. Gaining 23 pounds after getting married I have a hand full of stretch marks(love handles, and thighs.) but they’re fine. I was trying to convince Joe that because my body has already stretched to be around 20 pound heavier than I am now, that maybe I won’t get as many new stretch marks. I don’t know why I’m worried about it. I don’t wear bikinis any more(well, I may wear one at the lake when it is just Joseph and I) because I don’t feel comfortable in them mainly, but also a modesty issue. I don’t like being that exposed for anyone but Joseph and my doctor. But it is kind of panicking to think I’m going to have no control over my body. That’s ok, completely ok. Just a bit nervous.

My sweet friend Amy has told me from before we even started trying to have a baby that when she and her husband decided to have a baby, it was the first time in her life that she truly realized she was not in control. Which anyone who has dealt with infertility knows, I can’t will myself to get pregnant. And once you’re pregnant, you can’t control the outcome of that pregnancy. And once you have that baby, you can’t control that little person who has a wonderful mind of their own. So I’m trying to embrace the lack of control. Bring it on!

Breast feeding V. Formula feeding

So I started another blog. I don’t like it because none of you all are there. Lol. Who knows if I’ll keep it up. I had an ob appt Tuesday, baby is doing fine. I’m 13 weeks 5 days today. We took announcement pictures this past Monday and I should be getting them back today. Also, we are officially open for foster care. So prior to this, we could have gotten a placement, but only if every other home in our county couldn’t take them. Now we are just on the list. So yesterday I toured the day care I think we’ll put them in if our in home care thing doesn’t work out. It was a fine day care. But anyways, back to the title.

Here me out, I have no preferences, pretty much about anything in terms of birthing and raising our baby. Except, NO episiotomy. Other than that, I’m good to go. I have been informed that women who struggled to get pregnant, have a higher tendency of post partum depression. Also winter births have a higher tendency of ppd. So honestly, my goal is to just stay as sane as possible post baby. So here’s where it happens. I am only going to get 6 weeks of maternity leave. I think. I can request for more time, but who knows if it’ll get approved. I know 6 weeks is pretty standard here in the US, but it just doesn’t seem like enough time. So with that being said, I could absolutely breast feed and pump, but the initial cost of getting a pump is going to be like $400. In addition to the fact that the first 6 weeks of breastfeeding people say are the worst. Like if you can make it 6 weeks, you can make it longer. But when I go back to work, as far pumping, I don’t think I will be able to match a schedule that will be needed at 6 weeks.

So then I thought, well, I’ll just breastfeed 6 weeks, and then stop. But why would I put myself through 6 weeks of frustration only to stop?

So then I think, I’ll just formula feed for the beginning. I know I know, breast feeding is “better.” But I’m thinking formula may be better for our family, and our situation. Just start right off the bat formula feeding. Be able to have Joseph help with feeding in the early days. Not stress about whether or not baby is getting enough milk. Not stress about figuring out a pumping schedule. Only having to be awake for the feeding, not a feeding and pumping. Then the added stress of going back to work.

See as a teacher, I can only pump on planning or lunch. I can’t tell my students to work quietly for 20 minutes, then duck into a closet to pump. But I just got my schedule, and I wouldn’t be able to pump for 5 hours(lunch) then in the afternoon (1 hour later) I have planning. This seems fine, but at 6 weeks, from what I can gather, I should be pumping still every 3-4 hours, and there is just no way I could. Which I know would cause me stress in addition to having to leave my baby.

So I am legitimately debating this.

I’m here.

I’m still here and still pregnant. I am still reading all of your blogs regularly. I am just in a weird place right now I guess. But oh well, I just need to get over it. I am 10w3d pregnant, which may seem confusing if any of you have been following my dates closely. We did the IUI on April 13th, which was 15dpo, so even though we vary likely know when conception took place, my OB still goes by the lmp date, so my weeks now change over on Saturday, and my due date is January 3rd.

I’m feeling unhungry most of the day, and with that unhungriness comes queasiness. It is tolerable, and will totally be worth it.

I took the job at school number 1 I discussed in job offer quandry. So that is something I’m looking forward to.

We have lots planned this summer so Joseph and I can live it up before growing our family. We’re going canoeing, on my birthday/day after we’re going to Holiday world(where you get in discounted if you have a note from your dr saying your pregnant.) We’re going to hang out with my younger sister for a weekend around a lake. We’re going to Joseph’s brothers lake house for a long weekend. We are just trying to have as much fun as possible.

Foster care. Just an update, we are still all in for fostering two kiddos. Our room is set up, and we’re ready, we are just on their timeline. So while it could happen any day, we are still waiting for our workers supervisor to read our homestudy, and ask for revisions. Then our worker will make those revisions, and submit it to her supervisors supervisor, who will then read it and approve it on their own time line. The reason it could happen any day, is if there is a need in our county, that nobody else can take, they can speed up the approval process to get us open and ready before going to another county.

I think I’m in a weird place because I have so much time, and I just want to be making things for our baby. Yesterday I knitted  a pair of booties for the baby. But I’m still so early, and we don’t know the gender, it’s hard to make things.

Today I did spend about three hours reading about cloth diapering. Joseph thinks it is gross, but agreed to consider it. The only reason I like the idea is that I sew. I’m a pretty good sewer. I can sew us all the diapers we would need for at least under $100, probably more like under $50, if I could just buy everything at once. The estimate is that your starter stash(meaning enough to get you started, not all of them that you will ever need) is somewhere between $250-300. So all the financial reasons that cloth diapers are good for people buying premade cloth diapers are increased for us, if we were to make our own. Who knows, ultimately, as bas as it sounds, I’m doing it for cost savings. The green factor is just an added bonus.

So here is a jumbled update of everything.

Week 8 in review: rainbow update

This weeks didn’t bring many changes. I am sleeping 12-14 hours a night, and so thankful to be able to, even when I wake up, I feel like I could sleep for hours more. I had my real first instance of waking up in the middle of the night starving and had to venture out to the kitchen to get something to eat. I had my real first almost vomit, which I credit to brushing my teeth, and am so thankful Joseph was home and able to run to get some saltines.

How far along: this update is for 8 weeks

Total weight gain: –4 lbs from prepregnancy

Maternity clothes: I did make a pair of maternity shorts which I wear frequently. All of my other clothes still fit, but these shorts didn’t until I made them maternity.

Sleep: I feel like I could do this all day.

Best moment of this week: Seeing how big headed our baby is.

Miss anything: Not really.

Size of baby: Right now it’s the size of a grape/green olive.

Food cravings/aversions: aversions to EVERYTHING. I have things I want. Sonic Ice Water is still a big one. I’m really wanting nachos, like the crappy ball game nachos with jalapenos. We’re going to have to stop buy all the gas stations to find some.

Anything making you queasy or sick: The smell of mayonnaise, ground beef, chicken.

Have you started to show yet: Just the bloat, and its bad!

Gender: We both think boy now. we’ll know in about 7 weeks!

Labor signs: too early..

Belly button in or out: In, but I can hardly wait for it to be out!

Wedding rings on or off: I’m pretty bad about remember to wear rings, but just because I’m forgettful.

Happy or moody most of the time: Volatility is high, per Joseph.

Looking forward to: First OB appt on Tuesday the 3rd. Also my grandfather is coming in town.

week9

What scares me the most.

A lot of women have fear about delivery. The unknown. I have two fears about that wonderful day that will be here in the 32 weeks.

1. Joseph. My husband is a type 1 diabetic. He was dx at 21, after we had been married for 2 months. His diagnosis was a scary scary thing, and I’m so thankful we have such wonderful supportive families who drove(past every hospital in town) to bring us clothes and offer us support as we stayed in the ICU. Since then, Joseph has done amazing. He has great control, both of his blood sugars and his impulses. However, when we spent four hours in the ER when I was bleeding, it was enough to get his adrenaline pumping, which has crazy effects on blood sugar. So the endorphins, adrenaline, and anxiety/nervousness around delivery makes me nervous about him. Blood sugar is a weird thing, and there is no predicting it. I just want him to be healthy, comfortable, and coherent through everything.

2. Episiotomy. I hate the idea of one. I don’t want one, honestly I’d rather have a c-section than an episiotomy. I think it is just something I’m going to have to be super clear about with my OB. I don’t want one, if she is really into giving one, then I’ll find a different OB. I don’t want one. Ouch.