I had plan to POAS today. Until I woke up at 3:00am with my bladder full. I tried to just fall back asleep, but at 3:40 I lost my battle with the bladder and peed. I woke up at 6:50(Joseph turned off his alarm and over slept.) Peed in my cup, and POAS. I am 9dpiui, 11(.5) days past trigger
So, now I can only wait, hold my breath, and PRAY this is actually a baby, and not the residual trigger. Why do I do this? Oh, and my trigger was only 5000.
Tonight cd4, I start clomid. I will be alternating between 100mg and 150mg for the next five days. I am NOT looking forward to this. It has been a wonderful 3 months off of clomid(minus the not producing more follicles.) Being able to predict my emotions, temperature, and cervical mucus has been amazing.
But even though clomid sucks, I am so hopeful for this cycle. We conceived on clomid back in July, with one follicle. Statistically speaking, we should have had about a 3% chance of that. With Clomid and IUI, we should be at about a (conservative) 9% chance. That is THREE TIMES the chance. And that makes me hopeful.
I’m ovulating. It just so happens that I chose this week to get my butt into gear and start getting fit. I’ve been hitting the gym every morning and I’m SORE. So sore, Joseph has had to physically help my sit up when I’m laying down. I love it.
But what I didn’t predict is how the soreness and muscle exhaustion was going to effect our baby making. I will say I have powered through, but (Buzz’s girlfriend) woof, I hurt.
I am currently debating whether or not to start progesterone. My progesterone is low(I think a 7.9, but I’m too lazy to look it up.) Plus my early miscarriage, I have some so I’m kinda thinking why the heck not?
Also, we’re going out of town this weekend. Specifically to drink German beer and shop for Swedish furniture. It should be wonderful.
Also, a sweet dear friend of my in totally knocked up. In a great happy for them way.
We have been lumped into this “diagnosis” of unexplained infertility for five months(unofficfolly for nine.) infertility of any kid is frustrating and devastating. And I’m not claiming any dx is worse than the other. But what I find so infuriating about unexplained is, the unexplained may very well be explainable. Meaning we’re sitting here thinking there is no reason for our inability conceive, but with further invasive testing, we may be able to find our reason. However this further testing is intact a treatment. I stumbled upon this article on Unexplained Infertility which clarified quite a bit for me.
There are several issues unexplained could actually be.
1)It could infant be a form of male factor. The sperm appear normal on a slide under a microscope, but actually struggle to fertilize the egg.
2)It could be an egg issue. There are several issues here. Maybe the outside of the egg doesn’t harden fast enough, thus letting more than one sperm in resulting in infertility. Or maybe it is too hard in the first place, so it doesn’t let sperm in. Or maybe it let’s sperm in, but then hardens to the point that idevelopment multiplying.
How are these diagnosed? Through IVF. Though observing the fertilization of egg and sperm. So through IVF, we may actually get Some explanation or sorts.
The article also discusses how Expectant management is a valid form of treatment, stating that “Most patients with unexplained infertility will conceive within six to seven years.”(Unexplained Infertility) I had read read in another article is was three years, so this article stating its double that is a bit disheartening.
I have read numerous studies and scholarly articles on unexplained infertility(ya know the kind that take 45 minutes to read because they’re speaking what seems like a different language) and by far this is the best article I have read on explained infertility and it’s prognosis.
I feel like it has been awhile since I’ve blogged. I have been keeping busy with a whole lotta nonsense. But our foster training is OVER!!! woo! Very excited about that. Our house isn’t open yet, but not more 9 hour Saturday meetings, which is very exciting.
I am currently cycle day five. If I’m being completely honest, after last cycle, I stopped taking all my medications. All of them. I was just so frustrated that every day I take 5+ pills(depend on where I am in my cycle) and it results in nothing. I took about two weeks off, but now I’m back on my prenatal vitamin, metformin*, and baby aspirin.
I do not have PCOS, however, my testosterone in on the high side of normal, so my RE put me on metformin. I’m going to stay on it for 3 nonmedicated cycles and see what it does for my cycle length. My average unmedicated cycle length is 35 days, if met could bring me down to say 31 days I would be THRILLED! So we shall see.
I have about 30 opks left over from my last purchase, I may start taking them around cd14. I think we’re going to bd every third(ish) day, and just see what happens. It will likely be nothing that happens.
Well, I know I haven’t been super vocal about it, but AF was due on Sunday, and she didn’t show. I had tested Sunday with a FRER and it was a BFN, so I knew it was only a matter of time. But I have to admit, Monday came and went without ANY sign of her. Then Tuesday. And today, I was going to buy another FRER after work, but right before the boys woke up from nap, I went to the bathroom and there she was. UGH!
In my mind I KNEW that I wasn’t pregnant(three FRER’s told me so on 13dpo, 14dpo, and 16dpo.) But nonetheless, this morning I was googling “first bfp on 19dpo?” Her being late just allowed a little bit of hope to creep in. A little bit of miracle thinking to take root in my mind. I firmly believe that if God wanted to give Joseph and I a child, it could happen at anytime. It could be a late implanter, or an early implanter. Or an “I didn’t even think I had ovulated” situation. God is powerful. So I there was a small part of me that was hoping God was preforming a miracle. He very well may be, but this month wasn’t our month.
In other great news, we bought our cribs!!!!!!!!!! They should get here Monday and I can hardly wait! The only things we are REQUIRED to have is a bed/child, a carseat(but there is a window of time, you don’t need one before) and a place for clothing. So pretty much, besides the fact that we haven’t completed the homestudy(BUT WE’VE SCHEDULED IT FOR MARCH SIXTH!) we are ready.
I do need bottles though, and a couple more pair of pajamas, and then I’m good.
In other depressing news, I need a new car.
I can’t say thank you enough.
Friday was rough. It was 6 months since our confirmed miscarriage. It was the end of our 21st FAILED cycle. And I was down(as I’m fairly certain was evident from my post.)
I had a super intense cry. A great holding time with Joseph. Woke up Saturday with swollen eyes from crying to a new day. We will have our family.
That’s me right now. Infertility wins.
I’m not pregnant, I don’t think I will ever be pregnant, and I don’t believe I can ever be pregnant.
Because I’m broken. And I don’t know what to do.
So back in August when I was pregnant with our first sweet baby, I have a few early symptoms, that I didn’t know were symptoms. And one of them was what I would describe as a uterine Charlie horse.
I’m sure you all know what a Charlie horse, but incase you don’t, it is the worst. Seriously. I remember vividly in middle school, the night before a cross country meet, I was staying over at my friend K’s house(not the kenya visitor K, who by the way is starting CLOMID THIS WEEK!!! YAY FOR K! but a different K who I haven’t kept in touch with. Her dad was my high school cross country coach.) In the middle of the night, she jerked up right and SCREAM BLOODY MURDER. Like, I thought someone had snuck in and stabbed her. Her dad ran in, and pulled the toe of her foot up, and it subsided. That was my first experience with Charlie-Horses. I since then have had quite a few, but luckily I knew what to do. Flex your foot, even though every part of your being wants to point, you flex like there is no tomorrow.
With in the first few months of being married to Joseph, I awoke in the middle of the night to a blood curdling scream. Seriously, a grown man screaming. He had never had a Charlie-Horse(how do you make it to 21 without ever experiencing a Charlie horse? I have no idea.) Once I groggily figured out what was happening, I told him to flex his foot. Calmly at first, but my volumed increase as his screaming continued. I’m not sure if he didn’t hear me, or didn’t believe me, so I reached down and pulled his toe up, and it subsided.
So I picture that in my uterus. That is what they are. It happened when I stretch in the middle of the night during early pregnancy, but more frequently in many different situations once I knew I was pregnant. If I stop that motion, it subsides instantly.
Last night, I think I had one. I think. Last night, I caught it so I didn’t experience the full on intensity. But we shall see. Testing Thursday.
where I want to test, but I can’t test. Because
a) its too early.
b) the trigger is still in my system.
So what do I do? vote on countdowntopregnancy’s HPT gallery.
I’m a POAS masochist.