Reality chexk

We’re still in survivor mode for the most part of here. Just feeling a bit more rested than before. Peanut has given us a couple of 5 hour stretches at night, not a whole lot, but enough to where we feel encouraged and that our sleeping will get better.

I am currently cd30. I have been having cramps for the past five days, my boobs have been tender off and on. My unmedicated cycles usually are 35days(is) but I know that coming off of a medicated cycle can do wonky things to my body. this is likely nothing, but I have to admit the thought of this being anything makes me super scared. It would be amazing, but also ridiculous. Just waiting for my period to start.

two kids is hard.

happt mothers day to all. I know it hard to hear if your in the midst of infertility, someone complain about two kids, but its hard.

its hard BC its exhausting, obviously. But I feel an immense amount of guilt over Peanut. We are, with 99% confidence, going to adopt Peanut. And right now I’m all about fake it til you make it. We had always talked about adopting from foster care, and I’d told Joe that by the time that subject was even broached, we would have had months and months of bonding. But it seems that way, and has seemed that way from day 1. And we haven’t had that bonding. Then throw in that Peanut is a newborn baby blob(just like he’s supposed to be) it makes it more difficult. So right now, we love on him, tell him that we love him, kiss, him, cuddle him, hug him, sing to him songs saying “momma loves you, daddy loves you” BC I know we will someday. But right now we’re going through the motions. It’ll get easier as we have more time, and as he becomes more interactive.

some mommas birth babies and don’t feel and immediate connection right?

but I feel guilty, that there wasn’t some instant love. I care deeply for him, and don’t want anything bad to happen, and would love for him to be ours forever, but right now, we’re still getting to know him, and adjust to our new familial norm.

nicu nurses are the greatest.

peanut was born 4/10 and spent 12 days in the nicu for a variety of reasons. We brought home a 12 day old who eats 3-4 ounces(fortified to 24 cal) every four hours. When we sent sweet pea home, she was taking 1-2 oz every 2 hours. We feel like we’re in a area last night we bot got 9 hours of sleep(in 3 hour increments.) hot dog that feels incredible.peanut has some oral thrush that’s quite persistent, so we’re going to the ped tomorrow and hopefully getting an rx for it. And checking his weight.

given birth moms history, everyone feels like this could be long term – forever. Calvin is so sweet and much better than he was with sweetpea(the last two months hes matured quite a bit.) I’m cautiously hopeful that peanut and Calvin will grow up together as brothers, and the thought makes me so happy. Obviously with fostering, the goal is reunification, so we know that’s the goal, but at this point, it doesn’t seem likely.

Any advice? or thoughts?

I’ve done two rounds of clomid ttc #2. The first time my lining was 6.5 with two follicles, on estrogen patches. The second time with 3 follicles(which is my RE’s goal for me) my lining was 5.4 on estrogen patches.

I think we may do another treatment cycles, we’ll at least do the baseline ultrasound. I just dont want to continue doing what we’re doing BC from what ice gathered, that’s too thin of a lining to expect much.

so I know femara is an option. I tried two rounds of femara, the first time I had two follicles, so she upped my dose to bring up a third to 10mg, and I only had one egg. Which I make on my own every month. So I don’t respond well to femara.

I dont know much about injectables besides the fact that they are expensive. I dont have pcos, but I have pcos-like ovaries, meaning I have alot of follicles. Are injectables more difficult if you have lots of follicles?

any advice on other options? Any other meds to take in conjunction with femara to increase the number of follicles? Or clomid to plump lining? I just want to have some questions for my RE.

UGH…I’m a POAS addict

7&8dpo

 

So….The top is 7dpo at 4pm. The 2nd down is 8dpo at 6 am, and the bottom two are 8dpo at 330pm. I feel like the 8dpo at 330pm is darker. I tweaked the right side, there is a line on every test. The 8dpo 330 pm is below untweaked. I should mention that I triggered 4/3 at 8am with 5000 units of HCG. So while I’m not certain the trigger is out. It’s been almost 12.5 days. So….What do you think? Obviously, I will test in the morning, which will be more conclusive, I got my bfp at 9dpo with Calvin.

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clomid iui fm#2 for baby numver 2.

I had a follow scan Saturday, where she saw a 19, 17.5, 16.5, &15.5. Lining was only 5.4mm. So she gave me estradiol tablets I took orally immediately, two vaginally that evening, and one vaginally Sunday morning. Trigger with 5000 units of hcg. Went in Monday at noon for my iui. My cervix was super tight, and she had to use a holder to get it in place after she bounced off it for several minutes. It was the most painful iui I have had. And I continues to cramp all day. It could have been because I was ovulating 3-4 eggs also though. She said I had tons of cm, she actually had to wipe my cervix so it didn’t clog the catheter. My holder she used on my cervix caused it to bleed quite a bit, which brought back so many feelings that came with pregnancy. Our sperm count post wash was 71million. We had also bd’d 36 hours prior to the iui. Then yesterday, all day, i had gobs and gobs of ewcm, so I feel encouraged. Like if this had been a timed intercourse cycle, I feel like we would have had a chance with that. I start progesterone suppositories tomorrow. I can test in 13 days. I’ll probably test in two Saturdays, lets be honest probably before. Hoping this tww goes fast. I work the second week of my tww, so that should help.

150 mg of clomid

well, I had a cyst at the end of our January cycle, so we had to take a month off. My re upped my clomid this cycle in hopes of pulling up a third follicle. My last clomid was Monday, today I went in for my follicle scan, and I had 7 follicles! Four on the right, three on the left. They’re all pretty small, I had three right around 14-15, and four between 11-12. I have another follow scan on sat, hopefully the four little ones will stall out, and the three bigger ones will continue to grow. My lining was also thin,5.6. So I’m on two estrogen patches in hopes of it getting fluffier. Hopefully we have three follicles on sat, and then we’ll plan to iui on Monday. If I have 4+ no iui, maybe just timed intercourse.

where we are cycle wise

I am cd 15. So, this calendar year looks very similar to 2014. We did a medicated cycle Jan, rested Feb, medicated(and pregnancy) mar. It also happened that I started metformin Jan 2014, just like this year. That year my unmedicated cycle,nwhete all I was taking was met, I had a 31 day cycle. So I’m hopeful that maybe this cycle will also be a reasonable length. We aren’t tracking o, but plan to dtd cd 10,12,14(already done!) 1618,20. Who knows